Fix you
by BikerChick101
Summary: Post season 5 NJBC, The gang needs to save one of ther own from spiraling out of control but there are other obsticals standing in their way, will they succeed? Please read
1. Prologue

Nate sat nervously in the back of the cab taking him to a motel in the bad part of this not so good town, the name left him as soon as he handed it to the driver to get him there, all he wanted was to find what he was looking for and get back to Manhattan as fast as he could. Unfortunately for him, he was looking for Serena and she was not going to be easily convinced to go back to the city especially if she's in the state he expects to find her in.

The last time they spoke was when they got their invitations for the Shepard divorce party, they laughed through the awkwardness and said they'd have to be there, he never showed up but he heard she did. After that he didn't hear from her or about her, until Chuck called a few days before, Nate could still hear that conversation ringing in his head, the fear he'd felt after he cut the call and let it all sink in.

_Nate grabbed his ringing phone off the table and smiled when he saw the name of the caller. "Hey Chuck," he said stuffing his hand in his pocket and looked out the Spectator window into the city. _

"_Nathaniel," Chuck greeted. "How's the city?"_

"_Boring man, when are you coming back?" Nate asked and then dropped his voice when he asked. "How's working with Jack?"_

"_I told you that you should have come with me," Chuck said and Nate shook his head. "Jack is Jack but he is not my only problem."_

"_He's not?" Nate asked frowning. "You know I could help you out if the gambling isn't going that well."_

"_No, my problem is bigger than money or even Jack," Chuck said, taking a breath. "Blair's here."_

"_Wait what?" Nate asked lifting both his eyebrows up. "I thought she was with her mother."_

"_Jack called her," Chuck said and Nate chuckled, what were the odds of that? "She's going to fight for me."_

"_Well after everything that happened this year, I think it will do you some good if she makes the effort," Nate said knowing how hard Chuck tried to be a better person for Blair._

_Chuck laughed on the other end of the line, "That's not the reason I phoned though."_

"_It isn't?" Nate asked because why else would he call. "Did something go wrong?" he asked and frowned because he already asked Chuck if he needs help, he didn't say Jack was a problem and Blair was fighting for him not the other way around, Chuck rarely ever called just to talk so what was going on?_

"_Serena's missing," Chuck said seriously and Nate raised an eyebrow, realizing belatedly that Chuck couldn't see him. _

"_It's summer Chuck, of course she's missing," Nate said rolling his eyes because he'd wondered where she was before and then realized he wouldn't know unless she wanted him too. _

"_No, not this time," Chuck said seriously. "This time I have no idea where she is."_

"_This time?" Nate asked, scratching his head._

"_My PI's are always tracking my friends," Chuck said and Nate gasped even though he should have known. "Don't sound so shocked Nathaniel, she's out of their reach as well."_

"_So you knew where she was when she ran away after the Shepard wedding?" Nate asked feeling a little disappointed that his best friend failed to let him know where the girl he was pining for was, sure this happened years ago and Nate probably shouldn't still feel this kind of sting after he and Serena had a relationship and worked through those problems but every time he thought of the way she left he wanted to punch someone._

"_Yes but that is beside the point," Chuck said and Nate could hear him roll his eyes. "I cannot find her now and neither can my PI's."_

"_So you have no idea where she is?" Nate asked racking his brain to figure out if he had an idea of where she was._

"_No, these idiots that work for me let her slip and they don't know where she's gone," Chuck said annoyed. "Did she say anything at all to you about where she was going for the summer?"_

"_No, I haven't spoken to her since before the Shepard divorce party, I would suggest calling Dan because he was at the party but his number is disconnected, I have no idea where he is either," Nate said biting down on his lip. "Maybe they're together?"_

"_Serena went to see him at the loft before she disappeared, it seems Brooklyn's hair distracted my guys from following the Upper East Side's golden girl," Chuck said and Nate couldn't help but laugh._

"_You don't sound too upset with them for staying with Dan," Nate said picking on Chuck's tone. "What happened?"_

"_Dan left town with an upper east side lady but it wasn't Serena, he left with Georgina," Chuck said and Nate sighed wondering why Dan would get involved with Georgina again after everything that she did to him. "I don't know why you care Nathaniel."_

"_He's a friend Chuck, it's sort of in the bro code to care," Nate said cringing at his own words after he spoke them._

"_I think you've been watching too much 'How I met your mother'," Chuck said and Nate could hear the smirk in his voice. _

"_What about Blair?" Nate asked suddenly, he knew the girls were in the middle of a fight but Blair always seemed to know where Serena was especially after boarding school, she never wanted her best friend to slip through her fingers. "Does she know where Serena is?"_

"_I've tried to ask about my sister and all I got where angry glares and topic changes," Chuck said exasperatedly. "They haven't had any contact since the diary posts stopped as far as I know so Serena is still a touchy subject for her."_

"_You think she's really in trouble," Nate asked praying that Chuck felt differently from himself because if anyone could really calm his fear it was Chuck_

"_I don't know," Chuck said as seriously. He sounded like he was going to say more but there were voices in the background that stopped him. "Listen I have to go, Blair doesn't know about this but I will be back in the city as soon as I can."_

"_Ok man, I'll see what I can find out," Nate said and Chuck thanked him before hanging up. Nate stared for a long moment before the panic started to rise in him and he realized that if Chuck was worried about Serena's whereabouts then he should worry as well._

Nate shook his head and took a breath to calm himself down, he had _found_ her, it took him a really long time and a couple of annoying dead ends but he'd managed to track her down and this time he was going to stay close to her so she couldn't pull this again. She'd done this twice, the first time he was so consumed with guilt over what he had just done to Blair, ecstasy over what he had just done with the girl he was truly in love with and so blinded by it that he didn't realize she was not only gone from the party but from his life.

This time he was so caught up in asking Lola to move in and try to be what no other young upper east side relationship could be that he didn't pay enough attention to one of his best friends so he could offer support, she'd called him once but he and Lola were trying to figure out whether they would last through the summer that he wasn't able to answer and she wouldn't pick up when he called back. He thinks he may have missed one of the most important calls he'd ever get from Serena, one where she allowed him to help her.

After following some of the leads that Chuck's PI's found and getting nothing out of them he emailed Gossip Girl, he figured that since they'd been in contact this year over the Tripp incident and him helping her get her laptop back that she'd help him find Serena. Gossip Girl made a deal with him, he had to erase all evidence of the video that Diana sent him and she would help, Nate didn't even have to think twice about it, he'd do anything even if just to _know_ that Serena was alright.

Gossip Girl finally led him to Damien Dalgaard. Nate threatened his new and very fragile relationship with his father after Damien refused to tell him anything and Damien pointed him in the direction of another guy who was the one delivering the drugs Serena wanted to her. The delivery guy was easier then Damien to get information out of, Nate found he responded well to Nate's fist in his face. Which was why he was in the bad part of town and his cab was stopping at an old broken down motel that looked almost abandoned.

Nate walked into the reception area of the motel and looked around, he and Serena have never been one's to care about where they were staying like Chuck and Blair always did, it didn't have to be five stars for them to step inside the place but this was one of those places that even he would frown upon. Acting as inconspicuous as possible so no-one would talk to him, Nate made his way up the stairs to the room number and key he was given, he took a breath when he reached the door and braced himself for what he was about to walk into.

Opening the door he froze, this wasn't something he hadn't seen before in fact this was a normality with Serena pre-boarding school but every single time he flinched at the sight. Gathering himself up he let go of the door and walked in to help his friend whether she wanted help or not.

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**A/N : I do not own _Gossip Girl_**

**Hey guys I'm back, I've been itching to do a GG story post season 5 but with exams I had to wait a really long time and this is what I've come up with after all that waiting. I promise there is much more to come, I know where I want this story to go and I have a ton of idea's but if you guys have anything you want me to add then please feel free to let me know, if I can't fit it into the story then I will try to do another story on it.**

**I really really want to do this story right so I may take long to update so this is a warning to please be patient with me, I know this first chapter is a little boring but it gets better and hopefully longer hehe**

**Let me know what you think about the story and what you think is going to happen next season and enjoy my new NS story. Until next time (^^,)**


	2. Full of Grace

_I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
And oh darkness I feel like letting go_

She was supposed to be numb.

She's supposed to feel nothing, no emotions raging inside her or the feel of hands on her body. She's supposed to think of nothing, not Blair and Dan's final words replaying in her mind over and over.

But it wasn't helping this time, she could still feel the lingering pain of being a burden in her best friend's life, of ruining what another thought of her, maybe this time she could just stay gone and they will be better off without her, she could feel the press of the guys fingers as it pressed into her thigh and his lips on her neck and she hated her herself, when she left after Pete died she shouldn't have returned.

After all if Blair said that they were all happier without her then maybe it was true, because Blair was always right and Blair knows what's best for everyone and she shouldn't have been upset at Blair for taking what she wanted because Serena herself has been doing the same thing all their lives, hasn't she? She had always been the one to steal Blair's spotlight, she was the reason for Blair's unhappiness, for her pain. Blair was happiest when Serena wasn't there and if there was one thing Serena wanted, it was for Blair to be happy.

Then there was Dan, he had the perfect values, he knew what was right and what was wrong and of course everything he said about her was right. She was the wrong one, she made him cheat, she ruined his relationship with Blair just to hurt her, she didn't deserve his love, she was too damaged, too changed. She was good with Dan, he made her perfect, he set her up so high and she felt like she deserved to be there so without Dan there was nothing to keep her from being a disappointment, nothing keeping her from being a flawed It Girl, she was just Serena van der Woodsen and nobody wanted her.

Serena lifted her shoulder to shrug the guy off, she didn't even bother learning his name, she just knew he came with the drugs and he stayed. The nameless guy rolled his eyes and did another line of the coke she had on the bed, this scene was so familiar, it felt as if this guy would have a seizure, maybe she should just call him Pete and this time she could watch him die. Maybe that would bring back another feeling so she wasn't plagued with only disappointment.

This 'Pete' didn't start convulsing though, he just giggled like an idiot and lay back down next to her, pushing her robe to the side and kissing the exposed skin at her tummy. Serena felt like stone under his touch, she just didn't have the strength to care anymore about how she was supposed to feel or react to everything, so she just took another pull of whatever new 'Pete' gave her to smoke and closed her eyes, letting the drug relax her.

She'd lost so much this year, she lost the constant contact with her brother, she lost her grandmother, she lost her father, even though he was never really there he chose his newly found daughter over her in every way and she never knew why. She lost the jobs she cared about, she lost Gossip Girl, she lost her place in society when Lola took over, then she lost Nate to Lola and Dan to Blair and she lost her best friend to Brooklyn and then completely, through her own stupidity when she tried opening Blair's eyes to the fact that she was still in love with Chuck. Then there was Chuck, she always tied him to either Blair or Nate so when she lost Blair she lost Chuck as well.

She fell so far from grace and she doesn't know how she could have stopped it. She doesn't know if she could fall any further, she doesn't know if anyone wants to care about her anymore, she doesn't think she's worth it, she felt worthless, hopeless. All she's been doing since she left the city is hiding in a place that even in her darkest times has never been for her. She wants someone to find her, like the last time she disappeared from her friends she wants someone to care enough but when she's given them so little to want back in their lives from her she doesn't know how she could expect this.

Somewhere in the back of her hazy mind she heard the door open, she didn't know how much time past before she blinked her eyes open and saw someone at the doorway. Not just someone though, she saw … Nate. Serena closed her eyes for a second and willed herself to be more alert, it couldn't be Nate, it just couldn't be, everyone had given up on her, including him so he couldn't be there.

Serena opened her eyes again to watch as he strode across the room and pulled 'Pete' of her, she watched paralyzed as Nate threw him across the room and turned to her with concerned eyes. His lips moved but she had no idea what he was saying, she was sure she was just staring dumbly at him. Nate took her face in his hands and she blinked at him because again, why was he here? Nate pulled her robe back around her and pulled her off the bed.

Serena shakily stood up, she grabbed on to the cupboard and held on for support, the room was spinning, she could see 'Pete' on the floor on the other side of the room, he looked like he was on a trampoline, jumping while lying down. Serena blinked a few times and willed her eyes to focus so she could find Nate, he was there a second ago, where was he now? The room was doing lazy spins around her as she turned her head around to look for Nate.

By the time she found him he had her bag in his arms and he was speaking again, Serena just stared at him, she could hear his voice but it was dulled and his words sounded jumbled, she watched his lips moving she couldn't read lips so she didn't know what he was asking her. He looked as if he needed her permission for something, she could tell by his raised eyebrows, she trusted Nate completely so she nodded, she'd do whatever he wanted her to, she just had to make more sense of his muddled up words. Nate stared at her for a long while after that and finally he bent down and hooked an arm under her knees, the other hand pulling her arm around his neck before he put it behind her to scoop her up.

Serena turned her face and pushed her nose into the fabric of his shirt closing her eyes and pressing her face as hard against his chest as she could, she could smell Nate, his perfect manly scent and she smiled, Nate was there, he came for her, he cared and if he wasn't really there then she was going to hold onto this hallucination for as long as she possibly can. She struggled to keep her eyes open as he carried her down the motel stairs, out the door and into a waiting cab.

She remembered a time in boarding school before she got clean she had a hallucination that Nate came for her, that he swept her off her feet and saved her from the destructive new life she created. Where she told him everything she felt and she cried and then he kissed her and she woke up in her dorm room alone. She hated the feeling she got when she realized it wasn't real, that he was still happy with Blair and he was never coming for her and she stopped because she couldn't handle dreaming Nate up again.

"Nate," she tried saying, panicking when his arms left her, her voice was hoarse and she could barely concentrate on anything so she was losing him just as soon as she got him in her sight and it scared her. She could hear his voice but he wasn't talking to her and then all of a sudden he was close to her again.

"I'm here S," she could hear him saying, he sounded so far away from her. "What were you thinking?" he asked softly, it wasn't something he expected her to answer, just something he was trying to figure out. She reached out clumsily and he automatically gave her his hand to hold onto, Serena felt at ease immediately for the first time in such a long time, just being around Nate gave her a feeling of utter relaxation that no drug could ever reciprocate.

Nate still looked extremely worried and she couldn't blame him, she knew how she looked when she was in this state. On drugs for days in a rundown dirty motel, she was a mess, she was sure she hadn't brushed her hair or teeth and she was barely clothed. She didn't think a skimpy robe would be appropriate for any place Nate was taking her to. Nate seemed to pick up on this and sometime during the cab ride she found his coat around her shoulders.

"Why are you here?" Serena asked him after she finally figured out that closing her eyes stopped the nauseous feeling and her eyes from burning so she could concentrate on speaking to Nate.

"Because you … you dropped off Chuck's radar," Nate said softly and Serena opened one eye to look at him, closing it quickly again because the moving cab and sunlight was not helping her. "And we panicked."

Serena smiled slightly and had more of the water Nate gave her when they first got into the car. Chuck and Nate cared, they noticed she was gone, Nate came to find her. "And you came," Serena said squinting so she could look into his tired eyes.

Nate's face was hard but it softened when he looked at her smile, "Of course I came S," he said shrugging. "Didn't you think I'd care?"

Serena blinked back her tears and cringed at the incredulous look on his face, "When was the last time you slept?" she asked clearing her throat and changing the topic, even in her hazy state she saw the dark circles under his eyes and the tired way that he carried himself. She suddenly felt the overwhelming realization that it was her fault that he hadn't slept, that he's been trying to find her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Nate said shaking his head and scooting closer to her so he could wrap his arm around her. "I wouldn't have been able to sleep unless I knew you were alright."

"Thank you," Serena whispered, her voice cracking as she leaned closer to him, the emotions overpowering her body and mind as the tears she held back before slipped out of her eyes. Nate kissed her head and put his other arm around her so he was hugging her, she just needed to feel like someone cared and he was going to show her that he did.

* * *

**A/N : Hey guys so I'm going to try and update this every week, but like I said before I'm going to try and take my time with this story...This story is starting slow and I know all this reading can be a little boring and annoying lol but I needed to write Serena like this, I dont know how well I did but this is basically what I see her feeling, I see her feeling worthless and being depressed and just trying to forget everything. I love Serena so redeeming her character is like my main priority hehe**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this, hopefully I will get the next chapter out as soon as I can, maybe I should watch the last ep again or the promo to get inspired lol I promise this story will pick up soon, I havent begun writing chapter three yet but I know what I want from it so yey hehe oh and NS interaction! I love writing them**

**This chapter was inspired by the Sarah McLachlan song called 'Full of Grace' and the lyrics at the begining are from this song as well anyway please review and I'll talk to you guys soon. Until next time (^^,)**


	3. Echo

_I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name  
Like a fool at the top of my lungs  
Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright  
But it's never enough _

Serena blinked her eyes open and immediately shut them again, _who left the curtains open?_ she asked herself, there was something off about the room though, this wasn't where she was yesterday, this wasn't what she was wearing yesterday, she turned over and slammed right into another person. Serena cringed, she was supposed to be getting used to this, to waking up next to random men, it had happened almost every night since she left New York and she hated it, she just didn't know how to stop it.

Slowly she pushed herself further away from the man feeling better than she had in days, her movement woke him up though because he moved as she did. Serena immediately stilled and waited for this guy to go back to sleep or leave the room, it was generally one of the two things if they ever stayed the night. Instead he reached over and touched her forehead, Serena flinched at his touched but found some familiarity to it.

Serena opened her eyes and gasped. "Nate," she exclaimed. "You're here."

"Where else would I be?" Nate asked with a chuckle, sitting up and reached for the cloth that was between them.

"I … I thought … I thought I was dreaming," she said watching as he put the cloth into a bowl on the table beside the bed. "What's that for?"

"You had a high temperature, I was trying to bring it down," he said and Serena felt her skin, it didn't feel hot to her but when she touched Nate's hand it felt cold compared to hers. "It's much better now than it was last night."

Serena shivered and sank deeper into the blankets wrapped around her. "What happened yesterday?" she asked. "I thought it was a dream."

"After I found you I brought you here, got you to take a bath so you didn't smell like an _ashtray_ anymore," he said obviously teasing her and she smiled and looked down, a few years ago when their relationship was young and innocent and full of puppy love, she would have told him that he _looked like an ass-tray_. "I was supposed to stay up and keep your temperature down but I fell asleep as well, sorry."

"It's ok, you look like you needed the sleep," Serena said biting on her lip as she wondered "How did you find me?" she knew she slipped past Chuck's PI's and she made sure she covered her tracks meticulously so there was no way that they'd find her.

"Gossip Girl," Nate said and Serena slapped her forehead, she forgot the main reason she never had any privacy in her life.

"How did you get that information out of her?" Serena asked because in her experience the only way Gossip Girl gave any information away was if she knew it would benefit her.

"I had something she wanted to get rid of and I needed to know where you were, she sent me to Damien," Nate said and Serena raised her eyebrows wondering what he had that Gossip Girl wanted gone and how he got a tight-lipped Damien to talk. "It's nothing that you need to worry about," Nate told knowing why she was looking at him like she was. "Why don't you get ready and we can go out for … well brunch," Nate said nudging her and motioning to the time. Nate got up and took the bowl out of the room leaving her to get herself ready.

Serena felt terrible, all these emotions where starting to get to her, guilt, betrayal, disappointment and hatred toward herself, she felt like she was sinking into depression. As she finished in the bathroom she wondered if she should phone Damien, check if he had something strong enough to just make her pass out, at least then she wouldn't even dream, she definitely wouldn't feel anything, she'd truly be numb.

"Serena?" Nate's voice broke through her dark thoughts and brought her back to the present where someone cared, where someone didn't look at her as if their life was ruined just by her presence. "Are you ok in there?"

Serena almost laughed because Nate sounded like he was ready to come into the bathroom to check that she hadn't fainted or ran away again and she found herself wondering how bad she was the night before because she remembers Nate getting her out of the motel but she thought it was a dream and her memory is really fuzzy after that. "I'll be out now," she called when he knocked on the door again obviously getting panicked.

Finishing off in the bathroom she walked out to find Nate sitting on the bed waiting for her patiently, he gave her a reassuring smile to let her know that she looked good and led her out to find a place to eat.

Serena still didn't know what to make of all this. Nate was always this huge part of her life whether he was in it or not and in every single one of her boarding school fantasies it was he who was her knight and shining armor. He would always come to her rescue, he would come in and tell her he left Blair and he loved her and he wanted to be with her forever but most importantly it was always Nate who saved her from her impending self-destruction.

She found it almost ironic that he was really here in front of her, taking care of her, saving her, like she wanted him to so desperately at fifteen when the person she really wanted at twenty was chasing her best friend, Dan loves Blair and as much as she wanted him to have been the one to pull her out if her depression, she can't help but feel a certain amount of triumph that Nate chose her above anyone else this time. She's confused by her feelings but she just wants to go back in time and tell her fifteen year old self that it takes him a while but Nate Archibald finally comes for her.

She was so lost in her thoughts that Nate had to get out of his seat and shake her shoulders to get her to look at him. "Are you sure you're ok with this?" he asked, his hands rubbing her arms soothingly and his eyes searching hers for any sign that she wanted to get out of here. "We could go back to the hotel and order in or something."

Serena shook her head and waited for him to return to his seat before she spoke. "I'm sorry, I'm still a little hazy," she said and it was true, with the amount of drugs she had in the past few days it was a miracle that she hold a conversation. It would take a little while to get everything out of her system so for now she'd have to deal with the after effects of everything she had taken.

She managed to make it through the rest of their meal without worrying Nate too much and she even managed a real laugh when Nate was telling her about some crazy dream he had a while ago. It was all going so perfect until Lola showed up.

"Lola, what are you doing here?" Nate asked when she appeared at their table, Serena immediately went quiet and her face took on a cold expression.

"I'm working here for a while, my acting job only starts in a week," Lola said not even glancing in Serena's direction. "Why are you in LA?"

Serena furrowed her eyebrows and for the first time took in her surroundings to realize that she was in Los Angeles, when she got onto that train to leave New York she didn't know neither did she care where she was headed all she wanted was to get out of there. She missed Nate's response but figured it must have been about her by the way they were both looking at her.

"Do you think Chuck's ok?" Lola asked and Serena shot a panicked look at Nate, what happened to Chuck?

Nate nodded and Serena looked back up to Lola, "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's fine," Serena said and Lola gave her a funny look.

"What are you doing for the rest of the day?" Nate asks changing the topic and Serena sighs, she's hoping whatever Nate said about Chuck was only to stop Lola from finding out that he's only here to save her from overdosing.

"Well my dad's actually coming to visit, check how I'm fitting in with the place," Lola said and Nate's eyes immediately flew to Serena's pale face.

Serena swallowed and excused herself from the table, fishing out the card Nate gave her for their hotel room and racing out of the restaurant. Nate sighed and turned to Lola who had a 'was it something I said' expression on her face.

"You had to bring up your father?" he asked and Lola knitted her eyebrows together and glared at him.

"I assumed since you came to get her from here that she was probably with our dad," Lola said innocently. "I didn't mean to upset her."

"Of course not," Nate mumbled signaling his waiter to bring him the bill so he could pay and go find Serena, hoping that she doesn't have left over drugs with her or that she hadn't left with one of Damien's goon's.

"I'm serious Nate, my main objective in life is not to make Serena's life miserable," Lola insisted and Nate just frowned.

"Look I know that the two of you have issues," Nate said and Lola scoffed. "I just need to find her, I'll see you around."

"You know she's always going to be the main woman in your life, no matter how hard you try to deny it," Lola said and Nate turned to look at her with an eyebrow raised. "Even if you're with someone else, she's always going to be above them."

"That's not true Lola and you know it," Nate said standing and putting his coat on.

"Isn't it?" Lola asked. "Nate you two were in this weird fight and I told you that she was Gossip Girl and you refused to believe me, you even broke up with me, you chose to believe her over me."

"It wasn't like that," Nate said sighing. "I just know Serena, I knew she couldn't be Gossip Girl."

"No it was exactly like that," Lola said exasperated and then she looked at him with a small smile. "We parted on good terms and I don't want to mess that up so I'm going to let you find her, bye Nate."

Nate shook his head and groaned before rushing out of the restaurant so he could get to his hotel room, he wasn't expecting her to be there but he let out the biggest sigh of relief when he saw her. She was sitting in the middle of the bed, her chin on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs and worst of all tears running down her cheeks.

Nate slowly went to the bed and sat down facing her, he touched her leg and she turned to look at him. "Why could he do that for me?" she asked through her tears and Nate's heart broke for the torn up girl in front of him.

"I don't know S," he said, honestly having no idea what else he could say to her, he didn't know how to make her feel better and he had a feeling what he was about to say was going to make her a whole lot worse. "It's his loss."

"Nothing's wrong with Chuck right?" Serena asked because the main reason she went back home the last time was because Erik trying to kill himself, she didn't want to have to go back because something happened to another one of her brothers.

"No, I just didn't think you'd want Lola to know the reason either of us were here," Nate said and Serena nodded keeping her eyes fixed on the pattern on the bed. "We need to get back to the city, Chuck and Blair will meet us there," Nate said and Serena shook her head no.

"I can't go back there," she said scooting back on the bed away from him. "I left for a reason, I changed my name for a reason I needed to disappear for a reason."

"What reason Serena?" Nate asked, he was confused, he really didn't know why she left, maybe that whole diary thing with Blair was bigger than he anticipated, maybe them trying to get back at each other caused a rift big enough for them to really not go back to being friends.

"I'm a disappointment, a disgrace to every one of them," she said choking on her words from the tears flowing down her face. "Everyone was better off before I came back."

"You're wrong," Nate said taking her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him. "_I_ wouldn't have been better off, if you didn't come back I would have probably been married to Blair unhappy while she lived in her fairytale word, Blair wouldn't have found Chuck, your mom wouldn't have found Rufus, there are so many things that would never have happened if you stayed lost."

"No, Nate, you were living a lie but you were happy," Serena said.

Nate shook his head and gave her a small smile, "We were never happy without you S, something was always missing."

Serena shook her head again, everything Nate was telling her was wrong, it was different from what Blair told her, he was wrong but she so desperately wanted to believe him.

"The plane is waiting for us, whenever we're ready," Nate told her and she finally nodded.

"Ok," she said. "Ok, I'll come back with you."

Even if no-one wanted her back there, even if she was a failure and a dissapointment, maybe just having Nate in her corner would be enough to prove them wrong.

* * *

**A/n : I know the end may seem a bit rushed and I apologise but it was either get the chapter out now or make you guys wait another week, I am going on a little holiday where there isnt internet lol it sounds boring but it's pretty awesome anyway I will be back soon and hopefully I'll have a new chapter ready when I do but for now I hope you enjoy this**

**Please leave a review adn let me know what you think, in the next chapter Blair and Chuck are around so yeah, Blair isnt really in my good books right now but I loved her character before Brooklyn so I'm going to try and watch old episodes and bring her back hehe**

**Until next time (^^,)**

**I do not own Gossip Girl or that amazing song that I quoted at the begining, it's called Echo by Jason Walker**


	4. Circle Backwards

_On the outside looking in  
On where I used to belong  
Find the shelter to begin  
Begin again_

She was trapped, trapped in a small room but she was not alone, no they'd never leave her alone.

It always started with their faces as they stood in front of her, she'd picture each of her closest friends the way she felt they'd be. First there was Blair, her stone face, watching her but keeping her distance, the betrayal in her eyes never failed to make Serena shudder. Next there was Dan, he just looked at her like he didn't recognize her anymore and she didn't know how to handle letting him down like that.

Chuck was beside Blair, his face was apologetic but he stayed close to her and Serena understood, his relationship with her was more valuable than their brother-sister relationship, she'd never hold it against him. Finally there was Nate, she always thought he'd be disappointed in her as well after all she did that year to Lola but his face held a source of comfort that no-one else who watched her did, it was almost enough to make her ignore the hatred coming from her ex best friend and boyfriend.

After she pictured their faces, it was Blair and Dan's words that started to play in her mind, blurring together in a mix of disgust and anger. "_You happy now, now that I'm as alone as you are_." "_Get out, I mean it I want you gone for good, pack your things_." "_The best time I ever had was when you were gone six years ago_." Was Blair's voice and not long after came Dan's condescending "_You manipulated me into thinking it was over so I could cheat on her_." "_I don't know who you are anymore_." "_Serena there is no us, there's only you and now that our parents are splitting up I never have to see you again_."

These sentences coming out as clear as the moment she heard them and then they get faster, Dan and Blair speaking over each other in a fight to let her know who thinks less of her, who wants to pretend she doesn't exist like Gossip Girl said and who wants her to be brought down the fastest. Something's different this time, through all this screaming in her head she can hear Nate's voice ring loud and clear, he only speaks once but it's enough to block out the others. "_We were never happy without _you_ S, something was always missing_."

And then the walls are closing in on her, her limbs feel heavy, she can't move them, she can't stop the walls from crushing her, Nate's words aren't enough to save her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows this is a dream, that she isn't really going to die but it feels so real, she's suffocating as the feeling of claustrophobia overtakes her and she finds herself gasping for breath but she still can't wake up. Summoning all her strength she pushes her arms out to hold the walls away from her, her chest is tight and there is no air in her lungs and she realized with absolute fear that she is going to die.

Serena woke up with a start, her scream stuck in her throat and furiously kicking the blankets off her body, she looked around and found the walls at an acceptable distance from her. She was breathing heavily, her chest still felt tight but relaxing with each breath she took. She brought a shaky hand to her face to wipe the sweat from her forehead.

She looked up to see Nate walk passed her door, he was on the phone so he just glanced in but she must have been looking a little scary because he cut the call quickly and walked into the room.

"Bad dream?" he asked and she nodded. When she first started the drugs she just wanted to go back to who she was before Dan, he said he didn't recognize her so maybe if she was the girl he obsessed about before they started dating he'd love her that much again but after a few days she began taking more and more to block out her thoughts to stop her dreams so that she just passed out and she didn't have to think about how he never wanted to see her again.

"Something like that," she whispered, swallowing and clearing her throat when her voice sounded strange. She only realized that she had cried when Nate touched her cheeks to wipe the tears away. Nate looked at her curiously and hoped he didn't ask and thankfully he knew her well enough to let this go.

"Chuck called, he and Blair are at the Empire, so either we go there or they come here," Nate said clearing his throat, they were at her mother's house, her mother and Bart where in the Hamptons for at least another week so they had the place to themselves. "Serena?"

"Let's go there," Serena said, she didn't want them to come in early like Blair always tends to do and see her in the middle of a panic attack, she wanted to be as collected as she possibly could and maybe then she'd feel as if she had a little bit of power.

"I'm ready when you are," he said, Serena nodded and watched as he left the room. He was staying in Erik's room because she didn't want him to leave, she didn't even have to ask, all she did was point him to Erik's room on the first night and he understood what she wanted.

They had been back in New York for only two days and Serena could feel herself breaking apart, on the outside she tried to hold herself together, steel herself for her reunion with Blair but she wasn't ready to face her just yet.

She knew Nate was getting frustrated with the way she's been acting even if he doesn't say anything, ever since he brought her back she's been speaking less and less, he keeps her updated about things and tries to get responses out of her but she just nods and shows no enthusiasm. It's not that she doesn't want to ease Nate's fears, she just doesn't know how, she feels if she says or does one wrong thing she's going to lose the only person that's on her side right now and she doesn't know if she could handle losing him.

Once she's done she walks out of the room silently to find Nate on the phone with Chuck, she assumes. He's facing away from her looking out into the city, he doesn't know she's there so she just listens.

"I don't know man, you have to see her, I'm a little worried," Nate says and Serena cringes, they're talking about her. "It's not that, she's just … she's not Serena, she barely speaks, she just sorta stares into space a lot," Serena wishes she could hear what Chuck has to say, is he happy that she's not causing trouble or angry that she's withdrawn so much.

She's lost in thought until she hears Blair's name, "Does Blair know," he asked stuffing his hand in his pocket and Serena had to wonder if Blair cared that she was safe, if she knew. "That doesn't sound very reassuring … I don't think -" Nate started but Chuck cut him off. "Ok, I just … I don't want to lose more of Serena than we already have and if Blair -" Nate said but got cut off again and Serena closed her eyes and clenched her fists. "Ok thanks man, I'll see you soon."

Nate dropped his head and sighed before he turned around and stopped short when he saw Serena standing in front of him. "You heard that," he said stuffing both his hands in his pockets.

"Blair doesn't know I'm coming over?" Serena asked letting her eyes drop to the ground.

"She knows, she's just not happy about it," Nate said and Serena nodded. "Don't worry though she's going to make an effort for the Non-Judging Breakfast Club."

Serena's lips tilted up in a smile and Nate felt proud that he finally got a reaction out of her. "I guess they're waiting for us then?"

"Time to face your demons," Nate said shrugged nodding his head to the door and walking ahead of her, Serena watched him and followed.

He was tip-toeing around her, she knew it, Nate wasn't a very touchy person but when he spoke to someone he usually had some kind of physical contact with them but with her he feels like if he touched her she'd break apart in his hands, so he was careful only touching her when he really needed to or when he forgot his rule.

When they reached the Empire Serena stopped, she had been on autopilot all the way to the door, she convinced herself that the afternoon would go smoothly and her mind was so blank that she couldn't think of every little thing that could go wrong but now that she was in the building she couldn't do it.

"Serena, it'll be fine," Nate said reassuring her, his arms reaching for her but dropping at the last second. "Come on," he said holding the elevator open.

"I don't… I can't," she said shaking her head and backing away from the door.

"S, if you feel uncomfortable when we get up there then we'll go back to your mom's immediately but for now I just need show Chuck that I have his sister and she's safe," Nate told her with a tense small smile. "I told you before, you disappeared and he freaked out, he just wants to see you."

Serena backed away from the elevator and Nate a little more, "But what if he doesn't?"

"He does," Nate said forcefully because she had to believe him. "You're only delaying the inevitable, Chuck will come down if he feels we're taking too long to get up there you know that."

Serena sighed, she hated it when he was right. She looked up before getting into the elevator with him. Unconsciously she played with the bracelet on her wrist for something to do, she was so nervous about seeing two people that she'd known all her life.

"Just relax," Nate said when he saw what she was doing and Serena reminded herself that she had Nate, if anything happened she had him. "It will all work out."

"I hope you're right," Serena said softly and Nate was about to reply when the elevator door opened, Nate waited for her to step out and he stepped out after her.

Chuck was waiting for them because as soon as the elevator came to a stop he was standing, he adjusted the top of his suit jacket and walked toward them with a smile. "Nathaniel, Sis," he said in greeting when he came to a stop in front of them. Serena moved herself so she was a little behind Nate, she knew she was acting like a child but she didn't care, she was scared and nervous, her hands were shaking and she felt like she was going to cry, where was Blair?

"Hi Chuck," she said softly doing a quick sweep of the room to find her ex-best friend not in the room.

Chuck raised his eyebrows and looked at Nate who shrugged, it was awkward to say the least, Serena cringed when Chuck reached out to touch her arm to lead her to the couches but she kept her eye's down and she stayed close to Nate.

Chuck and Nate spoke a little most probably about her while she worked through her panic attack, she knew Blair was here and she knew Blair was going to come out at any moment and she was petrified, the last time she saw Blair she was told that life was better without her. "_The best time I ever had was when you were gone six years ago." _Serena swallowed and picked her head up just in time to be met with Chuck's extremely worried eyes.

"I'm fine," she said immediately and Chuck raised an eyebrow.

"Glad to know," he said smirking. "But I asked why you hid from me."

"I needed to disappear," she said repeating to him what she said to Nate before.

"You could have come to me," Chuck told her and beside her Nate nodded. "I could have helped you disappear, at least then it would have saved us the worry that you were dead."

"I'm sorry," Serena said softly, dropping her eyes.

"Serena, stop doing that, you are not a scared little girl, you can't shrivel up and cry just because you think we are going to turn our backs on you," Chuck said trying his best not to scream at her but he knew who she was and he wasn't going to coddle her like Nate was.

"Chuck," Nate warned, Serena just needed time to get back to who she was he knew that but Chuck ignored him.

"Talk to me Serena, stop hiding behind Nate," Chuck continued and Nate tried his hardest not to just put his arms around Serena and protect her from the fear she must be feeling.

"I think I want to go now," Serena said to Nate and Chuck let an annoyed breath go.

"Don't go yet, we haven't had our big reunion," a voice said from behind them and Serena whipped her head around to see Blair standing there and looking down at them. Serena bit her lip until she tasted blood, the panic was setting in again, the walls closing, Blair's final words replaying in her head and she knows that if she doesn't breath soon she's going to faint.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys I dont own Gossip Girl or the awesome song this chapter, which is ****Circle Backwards by Mark Provart, it was in Scoobydoo 2 and I could never get it out of my head**

**I'm back from my little vacation so yey me hehe I'm in the middle of a Buffy marathon so we can blame that for the chapter delay lol **

**I hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter, I tried to get the Blair and Chuck in it but Serena's fears sort of took over most of it so please bear with me as I take her through getting over her emotional trauma, I know the story is really slow but it should pick up soon**

**The end of this chapter is a little choppy and I apologise, I redid the final part at least 4 times so I hope I got it right.**

**To my anon reviewers especially my regular ones, could you please sign your name in your review or the name you'd normally use when reviewing the story, if you want to keeo your name to yourself I wont hold it against you hehe **

**Thank you so much for the reviews on the previous chapter and I hope you take the time to review this chapter as well, thanks for reading Until next time(^^,)**


	5. Cut

_I may seem crazy  
Or painfully shy  
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden  
If you would just look me in the eye …_

_I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb…_

Blair's eyes bore into her and Serena can tell from the way Blair's standing that she isn't forgiven in the slightest for the diary entries or for telling her to fight for Chuck, advice she's clearly taken whether she wants to acknowledge where it came from or not.

"Breath," came Nate's whisper, his lips next to her ear, jolting her out of assessing Blair reminding her to take in a shaky breath to try and calm her jumpy nerves.

"You were going to leave without seeing me," Blair questioned and Serena shook her head no obediently. "Good."

Blair's face was hard as stone even if she had a smile plastered on, Serena didn't know who she was trying to fool, the three other people in the room with her know her well enough to know it's fake.

"Hey Blair," Nate said and Blair waved to him as a greeting gesture before taking her seat next to Chuck, her eye's scanning Serena who became deathly still and avoided her gaze.

"So what were we talking about before I came in?" Blair asked looking to Chuck then Nate and finally landing on Serena's face.

"Chuck was just asking about Serena's … disappearance," Nate said well aware that he was answering for the blond which earned him a glare from Chuck.

"I'm sure Serena had her reasons, it's all in the past now we just have to focus on making her stay," Blair said smiling again and Serena looked up to meet Blair's icy gaze. She knew she wasn't forgiven, Blair looked just about ready to kick her out as Serena was to leave and yet Blair saved her from telling Chuck why she hid from them all.

"Blair, I'm just trying to understand," Chuck started but stopped talking when Blair put her hand over his and shook her head.

"Chuck, when has Serena ever done anything that we understand?" Blair asked and Serena blinked quickly and looked up at the other girl, what was she playing at? "What did you boys plan for today, I know you didn't want to just sit here staring at each other."

Beside her Nate cleared his throat and she almost jumped out of seat because she was so focused on Blair that she forgot Nate was next to her. Sneaking a look at Chuck she saw him also giving Blair a confused look. "Well the plan was for Chuck to see for himself that Serena is safe."

"And look, she's perfectly safe, probably being smothered by all the protection Nate's giving her," Blair said matter-of-factly to Chuck and he nodded slowly giving this some thought before looking at Serena while Nate glared at Blair, he was not smothering anyone. "I'm famished, let's go someplace to eat."

"Yes let's go," Serena said standing and looking at them expectantly, she felt trapped in Chuck's suite, like she did in the room in her dream and they were all looking at her now as well but she was determined to keep her cool even though they were suffocating her. The faster she got them to see that she was ok the faster they would leave her alone. Blair seemed to understand this, no matter what she was planning as long as she got Serena out of the Empire now she didn't care.

The boys exchanged a confused look, when they spoke earlier that morning about the girls moods they figured it would take a full day to convince them to stay in the same room together without ripping each other's hair out much less agree to go out to lunch but here they were sitting in a restaurant a block away from the Empire enjoying their drinks and small talk while waiting for their food.

Chuck noted that Blair was doing most of the talking aside from himself and Nathaniel but Serena was making an effort, he thought maybe he came on too strong at the Empire, she looked terrified of him when he told her to stop hiding, maybe she just needed him to relax around her before she could open up to him.

He took a moment to step out of the conversation and watch her, Blair was giving them a detailed description of something she did with her mother in Paris and how that was her last visit to that 'wretched place', even though she loved it and once she got over her marriage with Louie completely she would go back there and not return to New York, it was a story he didn't need to listen to because she'd told it too him so many times before.

Serena was listening to Blair, leaning forward but Chuck couldn't tell whether it was because she was eager to know about Blair's experience with Eleanor or if it was because Nate's hand was slung, as it usually was, on the back of her chair. Serena flinched when anyone tried to touch her, even Nate although she accepted his touch more easily than she did anyone else, she was changed and it scared him a little. She barely spoke and when she did she always looked as if someone was going to tell her to shut up, she wasn't as free with her words anymore.

As far as he could tell she was trying to please whoever she was around and he hated that, it felt like she was an outsider with her family. Nate and Blair were always the ones that did what was expected of them while he and Serena rebelled against anything they didn't like, it was the thing he admired the most from her and the only person he could think of that could have done this was Humphrey, the final conversation they had before she disappeared was most probably the reason she's lost her freewill, Chuck felt the strong need to kill Brooklyn boy the next time he saw him.

"Chuck, are you ok?" Blair asked once the food had arrived, raising her eyebrows and he snapped himself out of his thoughts and looked at everyone.

"Yes, I'm fine, I was just thinking about earlier," he said picking up his fork and knife and looking at Serena. "I apologize for what I said at the Empire, I didn't mean to … offend you."

Serena shifted uncomfortably when she realized Chuck had been looking at her the whole time, trying to figure her out but she smiled and nodded, stuffing her mouth so she didn't have to say anything.

"So anyone up for a game of soccer after this?" Nate asked and Serena could not have welcomed a greater distraction because that set Chuck and Blair off letting Nate know that under no circumstances were they going to play soccer and how could he even think that. Nate chuckled and playfully let them know how lazy they were.

She smiled and made little comments and hoped with all her might that Chuck and Nate thought that she was getting back to who she was, she didn't want them to worry. Blair on the other hand still confused her, she didn't know what to expect so she decided to just wait it out, perhaps being with Chuck again allowed her to let go of those feelings she harbored when she told Serena to pack her things and leave.

Slowly Serena began to relax even enough to lean back onto Nate's arm, he used his arm to gently nudge her to look up at him and smiled because this was so much better than she was this morning. Everything seemed almost normal, Blair got up to go to the bathroom and looked at Serena expectantly like she used to before and Nate shook his head and laughed with Chuck as they tried to explain why the girls have to go together.

It was only when they were in the room out of the eyes of the boys that Blair turned to Serena and her smile dropped right of her face, it reminded Serena of a predator turning on its prey and Serena's sense of normalcy got ripped from beneath her.

"I don't know what your deal is or why you look like a kicked puppy but snap out of it," Blair said raising an eyebrow and Serena immediately straightened her back, the fear she had from the morning back in full force, she felt like she was going to cry. "Don't look at me like that, we both know you aren't pathetic."

"What do you want?" Serena asked as Blair turned to the mirror to reapply her lip-gloss, raising her eyebrow she looked to Serena expecting her to elaborate. "You've been helping me avoid Chuck's questions about where I was this summer and why I left the city, we both know it wasn't for my benefit so what do you want?"

Blair rubbed her lips together and let them go with a pop, "I want you to keep quiet about out little talk before you left town, Chuck is obsessed with protecting his family, hence the quick saving when you disappeared of his radar, and since I want this relationship to work I would appreciate him not knowing that I was the reason for your disappearance."

Serena nodded slowly, Blair was only half of the reason for her leaving but Serena wasn't about to let Blair know the other half. Blair was only doing this to keep her relationship with Chuck it was definitely better than what she was expecting.

"Just get yourself together and try not to screw this up for me and maybe I'll forgive you for the diary incident," Blair said. "You're lucky she hasn't posted any more life clips."

Serena clenched her jaw, "Blair you know I never meant for Gossip Girl -"

"Yes Serena I've heard this before," Blair said touching her hair and looking in the mirror one last time before going to the door. "Are you coming, the boys are waiting for us."

"In a minute," Serena said with a smile as Blair left. Gripping the counter Serena stared at her reflection in the mirror, she could do this right, she looked the same, she just had to fake a few smiles and act bubbly and they'll buy it. She has yet to see Dan and she's dreading the moment she does because her reaction to him could break her down further or piece her together.

Serena returned to the table to see her friends laughing, Nate looked at her concerned but she shook her head to let him know everything was fine. Chuck suggested they spend the rest of the day together and none of them could come up with a good excuse not to, Blair told her he wanted to protect his family and the four of them used to be as close as family could be. Nate took her back home when Blair claimed she was too tired to do anything else and Serena could tell he wanted to talk, he tried on the way back to her mom's place but she just couldn't.

She knew Nate was confused, she had been fine at lunch until the bathroom break, Serena wanted to act like she had when she believed Blair didn't have alternate motive for accepting her back but she just felt like crying. Serena locked herself in her room before Nate said anything to her and curled on the bed. Every time she closed her eyes she could see their faces, they were still disappointed, still unhappy with her.

Serena snapped herself awake and wrapped her arms around herself she wasn't going to get any sleep, she carefully opened her room door and went into Nate's room, she didn't know if he were awake or not but she knew she needed him. He was her only ally now, she didn't know who else she could trust but Nate had always done what was best for her, he'd always protected her.

She crept into his room and close to the bed, he was fast asleep, one arm behind his head and the other on his stomach, he looked so peaceful that she didn't want to wake him up and disturb him, she couldn't worry him anymore or burden him. Serena carefully got into the bed curling herself as close to Nate as she could without actually touching him, she fell into an easy sleep listening to him breathe.

* * *

**A/N: This Chapters song is Cut by Plumb, it's an amazing song and I wanted to put the entire thing in here but it would have been too long, the song is kinda dark as you can see from the lyrics so I chopped it a bit, it would have probably fit the last chapter better just like last chapters song was meant to fit this chapter but I am too lazy to change it, if you guys feel that I should change it please let me know, it would probably do me some good to get out of my laziness hehe**

**There's a lot of explaining and stuff and it's mainly for me, it's to keep my thoughts reined in as much as possible especially in regard to Serena but I think it also helps you guys, conversation should start coming in easier soon so again just bear with me until I get to the good stuff thanks **

**I never spell Louie's name right I always mess it up, but he's never been important so never mind anyway please review and let me know what you think.**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	6. Drops of Jupiter

_Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey  
She acts like summer and walks like rain  
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey_

"Good morning?" Nate said in a questioning voice as he walked into the kitchen to see Serena at the stove scrambling eggs.

"It is actually," Serena said with a smile taking a sip of her coffee and giving him a smile. "I've slept better than I have in days, I feel more like myself."

"Well that's good," he said smiling as well because it's the first time since he's found her that she smiled willingly without anyone making her.

"Hey that's mine," she said scowling at him when he stole her coffee.

"It's mine now," he said shrugging and sitting at the counter. "When did you learn how to cook?"

"I didn't, we may need to order in if this doesn't work," she said putting the eggs onto two plates and handing him one.

Nate eyed the food in front of him suspiciously but he didn't want to hurt Serena's feelings so he took a forkful and put it in his mouth chewing slowly. Serena sat down in front of him and waited for him to say something, Nate choked a little when he swallowed and gulped down the rest of the coffee. "That was good," he said clearing his throat.

Serena bit her lip and raised an eyebrow at him, "Really?" she asked and he nodded taking another bite. Serena scrunched her nose and shook her head. "Oh Natie, you're too good to me," she said giggling.

"I'm serious!" he exclaimed and she shook her head and laughed.

"I'm pretty sure half of it is burnt and the other half isn't even cooked," she said poking at the eggs on her plate. "How does that even happen?"

"Well at least you attempted to make breakfast," Nate said.

"Since you stole my coffee I demand that you make me more," Serena said taking both their plates and dumping the contents in the bin before going to the cupboard to search for something else to eat.

"A bit demanding this morning aren't we?" Nate said nudging her on his way to the coffee maker.

"Do you even know how to turn that on?" Serena asked playfully and Nate made a grunting noise as he switched it on.

"You forget I once made you toast and coffee, I'm like a pro at this stuff," Nate said and then cringed as the playfulness dropped out of the conversation, that morning was during the perfect early days of their relationship where they were the stable couple that everyone wanted to be like. It still hurt to bring up that time for both of them. "I'm going to call Chuck and see what the plans are for today."

Serena nodded as she finally fished out the pop tarts from her mother's cupboard, every time someone mentions their short lived relationship both of them stop and try to squish the feeling of regret at not trying harder to save it. She knew it was her fault that they aren't together anymore and she hates that she hurt Nate but she can't change that she did, neither can she change the fact that she'll never be good enough for him. He deserves someone who will treat him the way he needs to be treated and not take him for granted the way she constantly did.

"Hey you found pop tarts," Nate said when he came back into the kitchen a few minutes later, he grabbed one and took a seat again, the awkwardness from before seeming to dissipate after his conversation with Chuck.

"Yeah, what did Chuck have to say?" Serena asked pushing the box toward him.

"Your mother and Bart are coming back," Nate said and Serena buried her face in her hands. "They want to renew their vows, Chuck said you're meeting them for lunch when they get back from the Hamptons later on."

"Can you come as well?" Serena asked softly, she really wasn't ready to face her mother alone, she didn't want to disappoint her after so many years she started acting like a mother should and Serena didn't want to let her down. "Please."

"Yeah of course I will," Nate said reaching over and stopping just before he touched her hand, she was much better this morning but after hearing about her mother's return Nate wasn't sure if she would accept his touch or retreat further into the shell she was just starting to come out of. "Blair and Chuck will be as well so you don't need to worry, I think your mom wanted Erik to come but he has plans."

Serena pushed her hands forward to take Nate's in hers, she needed him as an anchor like he's been since he found her all the way in LA. "Nate, Blair hasn't said anything has she?"

"About what?" he asked rubbing his thumbs over her fingers.

"About her forgiving me?" Serena asked biting her lip, she knew Nate wasn't known for his observation skills but people generally found him trustworthy and told him things, it helped her before maybe it could help her again.

"She hasn't said anything specifically," Nate said and Serena dropped her eyes to their joined hands wondering how they didn't find that suspicious especially after the diary posts and her involvement. "If you ask me though I think she's just trying to get her life back together and make as much of an effort to keep Chuck happy."

"What does that mean?" she asked, she knows Chuck wants to keep his family safe but Blair isn't posing a threat to her life just her emotions.

"It means that whether you want to be or not you're Chuck's sister and to keep in his good books after the year they had Blair needs to be in your good books as well," Nate said and then shrugged. "I think it's good that she's making the effort, it shows Chuck that she's ready to put things behind her so they can be together."

"I never thought of it like that," she said twisting her mouth a little. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid."

Nate raised an eyebrow trying to figure her out, "No, I know that's not it," he said and she cringed, how did he know her so well, she was saved from his next question when his phone beeped. "That's Chuck, we should get ready."

Serena nodded and got up quickly and Nate frowned, every time he thinks he's figured her out she shuts him out just a little bit more. Serena took her time changing, she wanted to delay this lunch as much as possible, she didn't want to face her mother and after Nate filled her in on what happened between Chuck and Bart she wanted to see him even less.

Nate knocked on the door at least three times for her to hurry up before she finally emerged, he was leaning against the counter typing furiously on his phone, Serena took a moment to take him in for the first time since they ended their relationship two years ago. He was still as built as he always was, his hair was shorter and darker and his eyes were somehow bluer, he was more focused than she remembered as well, the Spectator taking up most of his time.

She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't realize he stopped typing. "Like what you see?" he asked playfully wiggling his eyebrows. "You look good S."

"So do you," she said blushing at his comment and walking ahead of him so they could leave. Blair and Chuck were already seated when they arrived at the restaurant, Chuck looked as stressed as Serena felt.

"Hey guys," Nate said taking a seat next to her and opposite their friends, Blair smiled at him while Chuck nodded and stared straight at Serena almost begging her to behave.

"So where are they?" Serena asked and Blair shot her an annoyed look for speaking but she seemed to realize where she was and who she was with so she took a breath and smiled reigning in her previous anger at Serena.

"They should have been here already," Chuck said tightly leaning forward slightly on the table.

"Both of you need to relax because here they come," Nate said and Serena seemed to shrink herself a little while Chuck straightened his back and gripped Blair's hand as Lily and Bart made their way to the table.

Lily kissed each of their cheeks while Bart just nodded and sat down, eyeing both Nate and Blair suspiciously because they weren't meant to be there but he let it go because the four of them were always together. The lunch was tense to say the least, Lily filled most of the empty spaces with chatter about the upcoming vow renewal, Blair helped her by asking questions and offering idea's.

Serena ate quietly nodding and responding quietly when she had to while Nate watched on worriedly, he knew she was worried about what her mother would think about her summer but Lily seemed so pre-occupied with the wedding plans that she didn't even notice Serena's change in attitude or that her daughter didn't even make eye contact with her.

Chuck and Bart were engaged in some kind of staring war, Nate wasn't sure if they should interfere with them. Lily and Blair seemed to be trying to get their attention but neither of the men would look their way. Chuck's voice was tense and angry when he spoke to let Blair know as nicely as possible that he didn't care where they had the reception and to ask Serena for her input.

All in all it was an awkward few hours, the only people getting anything out of it was Blair and Lily who agreed to meet for lunch on another day to discuss the wedding and reception details. Serena politely declined their offer for her to join kicking Nate under the table so he helped her escape an afternoon with her mother and ex best friend.

Bart and Lily decided they wanted a fresh start and that included a new apartment that was decorated while they were in the Hamptons, Lily graciously handed over the keys to Serena and told her that the apartment was now hers and Erik's to share. Serena was relieved that she didn't have to find ways to avoid her mother where she was living.

"Well that was nice of her," Nate said when they got back to the apartment.

"Yeah it was," Serena said shrugging and Nate groaned going over to her and taking her shoulders in his hands. He broke his own contact rules because he needed to get through to her.

"Serena come on, you were doing so well this morning," he told her, gently shaking her. "You were actually _talking_ to me without me talking to you."

Serena let out a laugh and put her hands on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that to you," she said and Nate shook his head.

"It's not me, you're doing this to yourself," he told her. "Chuck is right, you are not a scared little girl that needs protecting, you are Serena van der Woodsen and the world wants you back."

"You make it sound like I'm a super hero," she said and Nate smiled letting go of her shoulders.

"Sometimes you kinda are," he said and she shook her head because no she was never going to be a super hero.

Serena stared at him for a little while before deciding that maybe she could tell Nate about Dan and Blair and why she feels so worthless, she could tell him the reason for leaving Manhattan, maybe he won't hate her for helping Dan cheat on Blair. "Nate, the reason I left the city, the reason I'm … depressed," she started saying but was cut off by a knock on the door.

"One second," Nate said touching her hand and going to see who was there. Serena could tell that he was frustrated because he'd been wanting to know why she wasn't herself and whoever just came stopped her from telling him. She doesn't know if she'll even be brave enough to carry on with the conversation after the person is gone.

Serena heard talking and Nate's voice greeting someone happily and she could hear them coming toward her, Serena took a deep breath and smiled, she can't worry Nate any more she was fine, she had to prove to herself and to him that she was fine and that Dan and Blair would not bring her down.

"Hey S, check who's here," Nate said and Serena smiled and turned to face her visitor.

Her smile fell right of her face as she caught sight of his curly hair. "Dan."

* * *

**A/N : Hey guys the song for this chapter is Drops of Jupiter by Train, I love this song its such a classic**

**Ok so first off is another huge apology for this chapter, I have got to stop apologising but anyway I lost a friend to cancer last week so writing was the last thing on my mind, but I have this sorta OCD thing where I need to post when I said I will and since I'm trying to keep to Tuesdays I've come up with this, it's a day late but hey look new chapter hehe, the chapter does need editing but I hope it gives of the general idea of Serena making an effort and then just letting her fears bring her right back down with her mom and then Dan.**

**If anyone wants to Beta this or can suggest a Beta to me I really dont mind...**

**Oh did anyone else see the pics of Blake and Chace on the GG set yesterday? I went crazy when I saw them! If anyone wants to see them I think I retweeted and tweeted a lot of pics and links and also a video of them on set, if anyone hasnt seen the pics and wants to my twitter name is Niknakpaddywak3, you have to see the pics Blake looks amazing and Chace is too gorgeous for his own good!**

**Anyway I will start on the next chapter as soon as I can for now enjoy and please review! Until next time (^^,)**


	7. On the ride

_We don't have to try  
To think the same thoughts  
We just have a way  
Of knowing every thing's gonna be okay_  
_We'll laugh till we cry  
Read each others minds  
Live with a smile  
Make it all worthwhile  
Make it all worthwhile_

"Dan," Serena almost whispered, another smile dying on her lips almost as soon as it was formed when he looked at her disgustedly. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah man, what are you doing here, not that we aren't glad to see you," Nate added going to stand behind the chair he previously occupied so he'd be closer to Serena and facing Dan.

"Well, that's good to know," Dan said scratching his now short hair. "I actually just wanted to let you know I was back in the city, Gossip Girl's spotted page spotted you here last so I thought I'd give it a try."

"You could have called instead of relying on Gossip Girl to find me," Nate told him clenching his fists at the thought of the blogger, he wished he didn't have to give away the only clue he had to find her but if he had to make the choice again he'd say there was no choice, he'd always save Serena.

"It slipped my mind to call," Dan said and both Nate and Serena looked at him skeptically. "It's been a long summer."

"Where's the psycho?" Nate asked, he was well aware that Dan was only addressing him and Serena was as still as a stone statue since she last spoke but he didn't want to comment on that just yet. "Please tell me Chuck was lying about that."

"He probably wasn't," Dan said and Serena turned to give Nate a questioning look. "Georgina is back in town, she's with Milo at the moment."

"Do I want to know?" Nate asked and Dan shook his head no, Serena just stared between the two because she had sure missed a lot when she was gone. "Ok I'm not going to ask."

"Yeah, so what have you guys been up to?" Dan asked Nate with a half smile.

"We just got back from a lunch with Chuck, Blair, Lily and Bart," Nate said shuddering at the thought of how the day had gone.

"So they're together now? Chuck and Blair I mean," Dan asked and Serena tensed up waiting for his reaction to Nate's answer. "Like officially."

"Yeah man, they've been together since the beginning of summer," Nate said as gently as he could, he knew Blair and Chuck's relationship was a sensitive subject for Dan. "I thought you knew."

"No I didn't," Dan said frowning, he looked to be deep in thought.

"Are you ok?" Nate asked and Dan nodded absent mindedly.

"Yeah, so I just came to say 'I'm back' and I said it so bye," Dan said and Nate frowned as he raced out of the apartment because that was really rude of him.

"Was it just me or was he acting strange?" Nate asked Serena when he left.

Serena pulled down her sleeves and drew her knees to her chest on the chair she was sitting on. "I don't even know what strange is for him anymore."

"You were going to tell me the reason you left before Dan came, I'm still listening, what was it?" Nate asked, Dan may have interrupted a breakthrough with Serena and Nate wasn't sure if he'd get any more moments like the one they had before where she felt comfortable enough to speak to him about her drug bound trip to LA.

"I …" Serena didn't know what to say, all that confidence she had before just disappeared, she had an entire speech planned out in her head about her fight with Blair and her night with Dan and then her fight with him but she just couldn't bring herself to say it anymore. Nate would just think she was jealous of Blair and Dan, after all he was still friends with both of them and he would probably just get tired of her problems and leave her and she didn't want to lose Nate, she couldn't.

"Serena?" Nate asked looking worried, it almost looked as if she were going to cry and he didn't know how many more tears he could handle but more than that, he really didn't want to push her too hard. "You don't have to say anything, its ok."

Serena swallowed and looked at him, he was giving her a way out, a way she would gladly take, she needed to take. "I'm sorry."

Nate watches as she gets up and goes to her room and closes the door, sighing he buries his face in his hands. He wants to go back to that morning where she was curled up next to him and thought he had no idea that she was there, where she was smiling and making jokes as she attempted to make him breakfast, where she was finally the Serena he loved again.

It's dark outside by the time Serena finally emerges from her room to find Nate watching TV with a huge bowl of popcorn on his lap. "Are you going to finish that all by yourself?" she asked.

"Nah, I was hoping you'd come join me," Nate said smiling, holding the popcorn out to her and patting the seat next to him.

Serena obliged and flopped down next to him, reaching into the bowl to take some of his popcorn. "What are you watching?"

"Don't look like that," Nate said laughing at her as she frowned at the screen. "It's the highlights from the weekends game."

"This is boring," Serena said gesturing to the screen. "Let's watch a movie."

Come on S, this is awesome," Nate said trying to make her see the epic-ness of what he was watching. "This is like … It's like a form of art."

"This is sport Natie," she complained reaching over his body to grab the remote and change the channel. "And I don't like it."

"Hey," he exclaimed when he realized what she did, he grabbed some popcorn and threw it into her hair.

Serena gasped and took the popcorn out of her hair, "Nate!" she screamed laughing as she took popcorn and threw it back at him.

"You did not just do that," he said throwing more popcorn onto her.

Serena grinned and grabbed the bowl, emptying its contents onto his head. "I did," she said giggling at his expression.

Nate blinked a couple of time and blew a breath out, blowing the salt and flavor that was in the bowl of his face, then he leaned toward Serena and shook his head so that the salt and popcorn stuck in his hair fell onto her. Serena squeaked and jumped up off the couch running when Nate got up and ran after her.

"Nate, no," Serena laughed as she ran back to the couches, falling when he caught her.

"This my dear, is payback," he said tickling her, Serena laughed until her laughs became silent.

"Nate I can't breathe," Serena gasped and Nate chuckled as he stopped tickling her and just propped himself above her as she caught her breath. "I have popcorn… everywhere," Serena said throwing whatever popcorn she grabbed of the couch at him, her face was getting numb from all the smiling but she couldn't help it, Nate was perfect at keeping a smile on her face.

Nate dodged the popcorn and laughed at her. "It's in my shirt and pressing against my back, it's uncomfortable, I don't think you should be the one complaining."

"Well … I'm lying in it," Serena countered as seriously as she could and then laughed. "My sides are so sore from all the laughing."

"My, my, my, what do we have here?" came Blair's voice from above them, only then did Nate and Serena realize exactly what position they were in. Nate jumped off so he wasn't hovering above Serena anymore and Serena held her breath for a moment before getting up herself.

"Hi," she said quietly, dusting herself of and facing Chuck and Blair, who both had amused smiles on their faces.

"I feel like I just stepped into the past," Blair said eyeing both of them with a smirk, referring to their previous relationship where both couples basically lived together and Serena and Nate would have constant food fights and make out sessions on the lounge couch where Blair would find them in similar positions.

"You look … well better than you did a few hours ago," Chuck said reaching out to pick the popcorn out of Serena's hair.

"I am," Serena said laughing as she took more popcorn out of her hair and looking at Nate who was currently doing the same.

"You guys need Dorota," Blair said frowning at the mess on the couch.

"Larisa is coming in the morning," Serena said giggling, it felt like old times when she and Nate would mess the place when they had food fights and Blair would look at them disgustedly before calling Dorota to clean immediately, she would not sit _on_ food.

"Yeah Blair it's just a little popcorn," Nate teased taking what he gathered from his shirt and hair and chucking it at her.

"Make him stop," Blair squealed hiding behind Chuck.

"Nathaniel," Chuck said in a scolding voice to appease Blair but grinning with Nate.

"Charles," Nate shot back seeming happy that there was no popcorn left on him, he leaned on the counter.

"What exactly did we walk in on?" Chuck asked raising an eyebrow to Serena and turning to face Nate, expecting an answer.

"Popcorn fight," Nate said holding a stray popcorn he found on the counter out to his friend. "She stole the remote and I was watching my sport."

"How could you stop him from watching his sport Serena," Chuck drawled out and Nate scowled at him because Chuck's supposed to be on his side.

"It was just highlights," Serena said pouting. "You weren't even paying that much attention."

"I was too," Nate argued playfully. "I made popcorn and everything."

"You two are like children," Blair said stepping out from behind Chuck and rolling her eyes.

"Why are you guys here anyway," Nate asked as if he just realized that he didn't invite them and they didn't call to say they were coming.

"Well we wanted to let you both know that … Humphrey is back on town," Chuck said, looking at Blair who nodded. Chuck rolled his eyes and Nate looked confused at the gesture. Blair and Dan may have broken up and said enough to each other in their last conversation for him not to be in her good books but she felt bad enough as to not let her boyfriend call him degrading names.

"We know," Nate said shrugging. "He came to visit earlier."

"Why?" Chuck asked and Nate frowned, noticing again that Serena had tensed up as soon as Dan's name was mentioned.

"He wanted to let me know he was back," Nate said and Chuck nodded. "He also wanted to know if the two of you were really back together."

Chuck smiled at this, "Sorry to burst your bromance bubble Nathaniel but that probably all he came here to find out."

"We saw him and Georgina," Blair said taking a moment to shiver at Georgina's name. "At the Empire when we took Monkey for his walk."

"What were they doing there?" Nate asked.

"Georgina and her husband are staying there," Chuck said. "I think it would be easier to keep track of her if she's in my hotel so we're going to let it be for the moment."

"I am not happy about it," Blair said wrapping her arms around Chuck's and resting her head on his shoulder. "But he convinced me to let it go."

"What scares me is the fact that Dan and Georgina could be planning something," Nate said walking over to stand next to Serena, she looked a little pale and he was getting worried. "Wherever she is, there's bound to be trouble."

"Yes Nate, that's the definition of Georgina," Blair exclaimed taking her head of Chuck's shoulder to give Nate a 'this is obvious' look. "I don't think we should worry though, we're together again, the four of us, it's going to take a lot to break this."

Serena looked up to lock eyes with Blair who smiled and gave her a nod, Serena felt a wave of relief rush through her, it was Blair's way of letting her know without actually saying the words that she was willing to get their friendship back and not just act to keep in Chuck's good graces.

"All this talk about Humphrey is depressing me," Chuck finally said. "Let's go to dinner, it's been too long since the four of us enjoyed a night out together."

"Since my popcorn is gone," Nate said nudging Serena. "I'm starving again."

"You're always starving," Serena said smiling up at him. "So that is not my fault."

"Stop," Blair called as the three of them started walking toward the door. "There is no way we're going out with the two of you looking like that, change now."

Serena, Nate and Chuck stared at her open-mouthed because they look fine but the look on her face let them know that this was not up for discussion. Chuck shook his head as the blonds made their way to their respective rooms to change out of their salty clothes.

"Kids," Blair said shaking her head and Chuck laughed, this is how it was supposed to be all those years ago when Serena came back from boarding school this was how it should have ended. Dan Humphrey messed up their perfect lives then by playing on his sister's insecurities, there was no way he was going to let the Brooklyn boy do it again. One thing he was certain of he thought as Serena and Nate made their way back to him and Blair, was that he will do everything in his power to make sure Dan never does it again.

* * *

**A/N Guys! I'm so happy with this happy chapter! I know some of it was a little depressing for Serena but she's still a little emotional over everything so it had to be there but NS fluff and NJBC moments and Blair making a comment about making an effort which lets us know that she will be trying even if her pride doesnt let her say it out right hehehe**

**Ok so the song is On the ride by Aly and Aj and its a friendship song well I've always seen it as a friendship song, but it's soooo cute and fun and perfect for the non Dan parts of this chapter so I think it fits :D**

**I am in a very good mood after finishing this chapter lets hope I stay in a good mood so I can write another one lol on another note though, my study material is on it's way to me as we speak so updating may not be as easy but I ususally write alot more when I have other things to do so it may just work in your favour lol I'm not promising hehe**

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed in the previous chapter I appreciate it, please please review this chapter and let me know if you liked the happy or want the drama lol**

**I know the story is going slowly but that was my intention I wanted to drag it out a little to go through everything, just let me know if I'm boring you so i can pick up the pace lol**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	8. Safe and Sound

_Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound_

It had been a week since Dan announced his return to the Upper East side and Serena hadn't seen him since, she didn't know if he was avoiding her but whatever the reason she was glad. She hated the look in his eyes, it was the same as Blair's when she told Serena she was tolerating her for Chuck but her former best friend seemed to be trying to rebuild their old friendship.

They hadn't spoken alone yet until now, the boys always chaperoned. Nate just seemed deathly afraid to let Serena out of his sight in case she ran again no matter how much she had improved since he found her and Serena found it adorable and annoying, it reminded her of when they were kids and he didn't want to be left alone with Blair so he stuck to her. Chuck on the other hand seemed to watch Blair more, like he was ready to intervene in case she said something to make Serena fall back to being the scared girl Nate brought back to New York.

They were sitting in the bridal store waiting for Lily to try on yet another dress they were making small talk, most of it awkward but they made it through the first hour like that so how hard could it be to make through another Serena thought as her mother came out in another ridiculous dress. This one came with an old fashioned hat on her head at an angle and lace from her neck to her feet.

"Lily please take that off," Blair said and Serena giggled next to her.

Lily frowned at the girls through the mirror and touched the skirt of the dress. "What's wrong with it?"

"The only way that dress would look good is if you took off all the lace," Blair said and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Blair this dress is _only_ lace," Lily said blowing out an exasperated breath.

"Exactly," Blair exclaimed. "There is nothing right with that dress."

Lily looks like she's about to argue but then looks at herself in the mirror again and sighs. "I suppose you're right," she says looking to her daughter for confirmation. Serena gives her mother a sympathetic look and Lily groans going back to the changing room.

Blair and Serena burst out laughing as soon as she's out of sight. "Oh my God that was horrifying," Blair says.

Serena shivers at the thought of that dress and shakes her head. "I just hope she finds the one soon, after doing this so many times you'd think she'll know which one to pick."

"You're ok with her marrying Bart again?" Blair asks. "Or renewing their vows, I don't know why they don't just say it's a wedding."

"It's not like I have a say in the matter," Serena says looking over at Blair and smiling at her for making the effort Serena knows she should be making. "I'm just going to go with it."

"You sound like Nate," Blair said narrowing her eyes and then smiling as if she thought of something brilliant. "What's going on with you and Nate, you were pretty touchy when we walked in on your 'popcorn fight'."

"It was nothing, he was just trying to get me to laugh," Serena said shaking her head and looking down, it was just that one day that Nate had touched her since they returned to New York and after that he went back to acting as if she'd break if he got too close, most of the time she just wanted to scream at him to hold her or something because Nate's touch has always been able to calm her.

"I'm sure that was all," Blair smirked and Serena frowned at her because Nate was not still into her like that, he'd moved on.

They sat in silence waiting for Lily to try on a new dress for a little while when Serena broke the silence. "I really am sorry about the diary posts," Serena told Blair. "And for everything else."

She didn't find it necessary for her to mention what had happened with Dan, it was something she wanted to keep out of her mind, something she wanted to forget even though she knows it's going to come back to her somehow just like every other thing she's ever done that she'd tried to keep secret.

"It was never meant to hurt you," she continues when Blair doesn't say anything, Serena waits for Blair to say something but the brunette isn't even looking her way so Serena bites her lip and wrings her fingers together nervously.

Blair exhales audibly and her face is hard when she finally turns to Serena. "You keep saying that it wasn't meant to hurt me but that's what it did," she finally says. "All of my innermost thoughts and feelings were not for Gossip Girls many followers to read."

Serena closes her eyes for a second and nods. "I know, but you need to know that I'm sorry for that."

Blair clenches her jaw and looks away from Serena. "Serena I miss you and for Chuck's sake I've been trying to forgive you," Blair tells her. "But I don't need constant reminders of what you did."

Serena doesn't say anything, she got the message loud and clear, don't mention the incident and everything will eventually return to normal, their problems will be swept under the rug and forgotten until the next _big_ fight like a true Upper East Side vendetta.

"Girls, please tell me you actually agree with this one," Lily says coming back into the room and standing on the platform puffing up the ball gown skirt so that it sits the way she wants it to.

"No, Lily I'm going to choose a dress for you," Blair said getting up both Lily and the assistant helping her groaned, the assistant followed Blair while Lily went to sit next to her daughter.

"Is anything I wear going to look good?" she asked and Serena laughed and shook her head no, no point in lying to her mother about that.

* * *

"Nathaniel I don't understand how you can drink beer," Chuck said when he handed his friend a bottle and sat down next to him.

"You should try it sometime," Nate said. "Give the scotch a break."

"I'd rather not," Chuck said eyeing the bottle in Nate's hand suspiciously.

"It's not going to poison you," Nate laughed when he saw the expression on Chucks face.

"I don't think I want to find out," Chuck said and Nate shook his head. "Something wrong Nathaniel."

"What are you talking about?" Nate asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You've had that 'I'm thinking' look on your face ever since the girls left with Lily," Chuck said leaning back on the couch and letting Monkey rest his head in Chuck's lap.

"Do you think they're ok?" Nate asked and Chuck looked amused. "I just mean that it's the first time they are together _alone_ since the diary posts and I really don't want Serena go back to who she was when I found her."

"They are big girls Nathaniel, I'm sure they can handle themselves," Chuck assured him and Nate nodded but he still had a faraway look in his eyes. "Humphrey's been trying to talk to Blair."

"Why?" Nate asked.

"Probably wants to convince her to go back to Brooklyn with him," Chuck said shrugging. "Convince her that I'm a monster or something like that."

"Do you think he's going to try talking to her at the bridal store?" Nate asks panicking because if Dan's name is mentioned then Serena gets pale, when she saw him she had to lock herself in her room for a few hours to calm down, if she saw him trying to win Blair back, Nate didn't know what she would do and for that he was scared.

"I'm hoping he can take a hint and he'll stay in Brooklyn," Chuck says grinding his teeth a little, deciding to change the subject before he breaks something. "So what's really bothering you?"

"There's something that Lola said when we bumped into her in LA," Nate said blushing slightly and Chuck raised an eyebrow because what could Lola have said to make Nate blush by just thinking about it.

"What did she say?" Chuck asked when Nate didn't say any more, he was curious to know what got Nate thinking so hard.

"Well she said that Serena's always going to be the main woman in my life no matter who I date or what I do," Nate said frowning. "What do you think?"

"I don't think, I _know_ she's right," Chuck said and Nate knitted his eyebrows together asking for an explanation. "Name one time Serena has asked you for something and you haven't given in to her. You may not have dropped everything and ran to her side immediately but you eventually gave her what she wanted or did what she asked. Or if someone spoke badly about her, even if you were angry, you'd defend her."

Nate opened his mouth to answer but then shut it again, he couldn't think of one time in his life that he turned Serena down or not defended her.

"Serena is more important to you than you want to admit," Chuck said. "You'll always believe her over anyone else because that's who you are Nathaniel."

"I have never thought about it like that," Nate said rubbing a hand over his face, he'd never stopped to consider that he was so protective over someone, over Serena.

"And that's why I drink scotch," Chuck said finishing off whatever was left in his glass and smirking at Nate who rolled his eyes. Chuck was clearly implying that he was smarter because he drank scotch.

"Let's go for a walk," Chuck says standing up and walking across the room.

"Walk where?" Nate asked.

"I'm taking Monkey out," Chuck said holding up the leash. "You coming?"

"Yeah sure," Nate mumbled chugging down his beer and following Chuck and Monkey into the elevator.

Chuck spoke to Nate about his plans to take the power back from his father, the Empire was still his and he was going to keep it that way.

"Jack's got another one of his master plans," Chuck started but then stopped abruptly, he stopped walking as well so Nate stopped and turned to face his best friend confused.

"Are you going to tell me about these plans or are we going to stand here all day?" Nate asked looking down at Monkey who tilted his head as if to say he had no idea what was going through Chucks mind.

"Humphrey," Chuck muttered angrily storming of in the direction he was looking, dropping Monkey's leash.

"Wait what?" Nate called picking up the leash and jogging to catch up with Chuck who was on a mission.

Nate looked in the direction Chuck was heading and saw Dan, Serena and Blair. Nate narrowed his eyes and understood why Chuck was so angry, it was exactly what he didn't want to happen, it was exactly what Nate didn't want to happen either.

By the time they got to the girls and Dan, Dan had called a cab and he had his hand on the handle. "What are you doing here Humphrey," Chuck asked going to Blair and wrapping an arm around her protectively.

"I'm not here for Blair," Dan reassured them and Nate looked at Chuck who didn't look any happier at this revelation. "I'm leaving anyway," he said opening the door and stepping back to let someone in. "Serena."

Nate's head snapped from Chuck to Dan to Serena, so fast he thought he gave himself whiplash. Serena's eyes were down cast, she didn't look up at any of them as she stepped forward to Dan. Chucks fist came out of nowhere, hitting Dan square on the jaw and sending him sprawling onto the pavement. Chuck clenched and unclenched his fist a few times before walking up to Dan.

"What do you want with my sister?" he asked threateningly. If Nate wasn't so worried about Serena he would have laughed because Dan had punched Chuck twice for Jenny and now Chuck was getting him back for Serena.

Nate stood there in shock he knew he should be doing something, but he couldn't take his eyes off Serena, if she would look at him or pick her head up then he'd have some sort of idea of what was going through her mind.

"Chuck, Serena wants to go with him," Blair says softly from behind them and Nate raises an eyebrow at Serena but she still refuses to look at him.

Dan stands up and touches his jaw tenderly. "It's her choice," he says and gets into the cab. "Are you coming?"

Serena doesn't look at any of them even though all eyes are on her. "I'm sorry," she whispers getting into the cab and shutting the door.

"What the hell happened?" Chuck asked and Blair started explaining to him that she had gone onto a shop to get something and when she came back out Serena and Dan were talking and Serena said she was leaving with him.

Nate blocked them out after that, his eyes were still following the yellow cab that had Serena and Dan inside, he felt a chill go up his spine because he'd caught a glance of Serena as the cab drove away, there were tears on her cheeks and a look in her eyes that he could only describe as empty, it's like she'd accepted defeat and it scared Nate because she was Serena, all he knew was he was Dan had said or done something to break her and he was going to fight to get her back.

* * *

**A/N : Hey guys check it out, I'm actually on time with my updating lol well kind off, I wanted to give this chapter to you earlier but I was sooooo tired last night when I finished that I couldnt do the editing. The song for this chapter is Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift I chose it mainly because of Nate's need to keep Serena safe **

**i love brotherly Chuck as well and I just wanted him to get some revenge on Dan by punching him like Dan did in season 1 and 3 for Jenny, i really hope Chuck gets to punch him on the show, he needs it**

**Please review guys, I noticed that the reviews where getting less with each chapter, I hope you're still enjoying the story, but please let me know anyway Until next time (^^,)**

**Oh one more question, I have an idea for a new NS story, kinda depressing but I need to know do you want Nate or Serena to suffer more on the story?**


	9. Shake it out

_Regrets collect like old friends  
Here to relive your darkest moments  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
And all of the ghouls come out to play_

Serena sat on the bed in the guest room at Dan's loft with her chin on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. The sun went down and came back up again, she lost count of how many times and she was still thinking back to how she got here, still staring at one spot on the table.

She couldn't look at her friends when Dan told her to get into the cab, she didn't want to see their disappointed faces, she especially didn't want to see the heartbreak on Nate's face as she leaves with another man. This time she didn't want to, this time it wasn't her choice, she had to keep them from knowing the truth about her, she just wanted to protect them, they were better off when she wasn't there, right?

When she got to the loft the first day, Dan let her know where she'll be staying and left her there, she didn't smile neither did she cry, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her vulnerable, she couldn't believe he'd take advantage of her the way he had. When she saw him, he was walking toward her with a smile on her face and there was a fluttering in her tummy because he was looking at her, he wanted her, Blair had slipped into a new clothes store while Serena was saying goodbye to her mother, promising another 'fun' day, her mom had just driven off when he found her.

He had this smile on his face just for her and Serena thought that maybe he was cold to her the last time she saw him because Nate was there. He made his intentions clear as soon as he reached her though and the happy flutters quickly turned to dread, the small smile she had on her face falling off but his remaining, if anything it got bigger when he saw her reaction. He told her everything she didn't want to hear and she thought she was going to faint right there, she almost wished she didn't ask why he was doing this to her.

"Because Serena there is only you," he said. "You didn't think twice about making me believe that Blair was done with me, you used me to hurt your _best_ friend, you're selfish and now it's my turn to use you."

Once she was in the guest room she closed the door and sat on the bed, Rufus was on a road trip with his band and Jenny was with her mother so it was just her and Dan. She heard him talking to someone on the phone and she shivered, he was laughing while she was trying to hold herself together. She's never hated anyone before, not even her mother and father for the way they abandoned her, not Georgina for all the things she's done, not even Jenny when she managed to hurt every person Serena loved but in that moment she really hated the person that Dan had become.

She shook her head and rubbed her hands over her face roughly. A few days ago after coming back from lunch, she waited until she couldn't hear Dan anymore, not his voice or his footsteps, then she reached for her bag and dug out her phone, scrolling down until she found the number she wanted. Her fingers shook as it hovered over the call button like it has so many times since she got back to New York, she knew she shouldn't call but Dan was calling the shots now and she didn't care if he looked at her differently when she'd never look at him the same again. Her entire body shook as she pressed the call button and heard the silky voice of Damien Dalgaard answer.

It was barely three hours later when Georgina walked into her room with an extra bounce to her step. "Serena darling," she squealed jumping onto the bed, Serena just stared at her without saying a word like she had every day since Georgina first popped up in the loft to check how everything was going. "Well don't look so sad, Damien sent me with the good stuff," she said holding the bag with the drugs Serena wanted in front of the her. "Don't worry I won't tell Dan," she said with her finger to her lips like this would be their secret, when Serena still didn't reply she smiled and stood up. "Enjoy."

Georgina dropped the bag onto the table and strutted out of the room, Serena watched her go, wondering why she was so happy. It took her a few moments before she focused on the bag on the table, it would be so easy but then she thought of Nate, of the fear in his eyes when he found her drugged up, the hopelessness she reached.

As she stared at the same bag still on the table, her mind wandered back to her 'happy' appearance with Dan the day before. Alessandra met with them early in the morning, excited about how much hype this was going to create, telling them where to go to get photographed, Serena rolled her eyes because did this lady not know who she was? Serena was an expert at getting herself photographed.

Serena knew why Dan was doing this, she heard a conversation with him and Georgina, she was happy that he had Serena and he didn't see the point of having her around when he couldn't stand her but Georgina seemed to convince her.

"Don't you get it Dan? Just think of the scandal, they are all expecting this book to be a sequel to the inside so what better way to create hype about it then to act like you're dating one of the stars of inside?" Georgina asked and Dan just grunted. "Think about it, she's not Blair but the fact that you didn't actually end up with the heroine and ended up with her best friend will cause so many questions, everyone will be curious to know why."

"I guess," Dan grumbled and Georgina laughed, she was a genius and she knew it, she wanted to help him destroy the same people who've managed to destroy her time and time again.

"Besides as long as you're miserable it's enough payback for not including me in the first book," Georgina said smirking. "Everyone will know who I am after this comes out, then you can drop the blond and we can party."

They were walking through the park when the photographers Alessandra tipped off started talking their pictures and Serena snapped out of her thoughts. Dan had gotten really good with his acting because there were a few times during their walk that she almost believed that he still loved her. He nudged her to smile and talk to him, she even faked a few laughs and he seemed happy enough with it.

The newspapers were going to have a field day with this she thought, his first book the Inside was considered a one hit wonder but Dan was promising them a bigger and better book, something that would blow their minds and what better way to promote it than to be dating one of the characters from his previous book. She was sure the rest of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club would see it soon enough, if Gossip Girl hadn't posted it already, she wondered how angry they were with her, if they knew that she was only doing this to protect herself from their rejection because she couldn't take it, not from them, not from _him_.

Serena shivered as she remembered how Nate, Chuck and Blair came for her that morning, just a few hours ago, they showed up at the loft demanding to see her, they saw her on Gossip Girl. They had been calling and trying to see her but they hadn't made such a big effort to ambush them until the morning after the pictures of her and Dan in the park were released. She figured they saw something in those pictures that made her look uncomfortable or unhappy, that was the only reason they'd do this now.

She so badly wanted to go with them but she couldn't, she was too afraid, Chuck was right she isn't a scared little girl that hides away from everyone, she's Serena van der Woodsen. She just wishes she had the confidence she used to have, the queen bitch she used to be lay dormant for too long, she didn't know how to wake her up again.

She remembers Dan's confident voice as he let them in, "Hey guys, what are you doing here? Serena, we have company," he called out to her, she knew he expected her to play the perfect hostess and be in love with him.

"You know exactly what we're doing here," Nate's voice came and Serena's breath hitched in her throat, she took another moment to compose herself as carefully as she could, she should be used to this after all they'd done it so many times during the week for the press but she needed to play this perfectly or they'd see through her. "What did you do to her?"

"Nate it's fine, he didn't do anything to me," Serena said walking into the room, the worry in Nate's voice almost made her lose her relaxed expression. Nate was holding Dan by his collar and Chuck looked just as pissed, Blair was looking around uncomfortably, probably because of the many nights she spent in the loft that she wanted to forget.

"Serena we know you didn't come here because you wanted to," Chuck said reaching forward to touch her elbow reassuringly only managing to hold on for a second before Nate wrapped her up in a tight hug breaking all of the no contact boundaries she remembered him setting up for himself once again.

"Are you ok?" Nate asked pulling away so he could push her hair out of her face and look at her.

Serena swallowed hard and held her breath, nodding because she could not trust her voice, she knew if she exhaled her resolve would crumble and she'd tell him everything. She kept her hands in fists at her side, her nails digging into her palms to keep her from reaching out to touch Nate.

"As you can see she's doing fine," Dan said annoyed with them and dusting the imaginary dust from himself.

"I didn't ask for you to open your mouth," Chuck growled and Dan tensed and moved his jaw around, without the make-up he used for puplic appearances you could see the mark from where Chuck punched him only just fading. "Serena get your thing's we're leaving."

"No, she's staying here," Dan said crossing his arms over his chest and looking at Chuck smugly. "Isn't that right babe?"

Serena fought the urge to shiver when he called her babe, "I'm sorry," Serena said biting her lip, it took everything in her to remove herself from Nate's arms to stand by Dan. "But I'm staying with Dan."

"Serena, he's not over Blair, he's been trying to get her alone since he came back to New York," Chuck said staring at her completely confused. "You know this."

"We've decided that we're going to give it one last chance, now that our parents aren't together there isn't any barriers between us anymore," Serena said and Dan took her hand and smiled at her.

"That wasn't a problem before," Nate spat out, glaring at Dan.

"I thought you'd be happy Chuck, I'm not going to try and talk to Blair again," Dan said ignoring Nate and Chuck gritted his teeth.

"Serena, this is absurd we both know you don't want to try with Dan again," Blair said speaking for the first time and Serena raised an eyebrow at her, wondering if she really read more into their conversation about Nate than Serena thought she did. Of course those little moments with Nate sent sparks through her body but Blair could pick that up from a few conversations could she?

"Blair just drop it, let's go," Nate said shocking Serena, she didn't want him to suspect that she was lying to him about everything but she didn't want him to leave yet, to give on her so easily. "Obviously we were all worried for nothing, she's perfectly happy playing house with Humphrey."

There was venom in his voice that she'd never heard from Nate, but it was the look in his eyes that almost broke her, it was like he completely gave up, watching him leave led her back to this bed, to this defeated position, to staring at the drugs she managed to ignore for so long, to needing it to help her get through this hell she's put herself in.

She blew out a slow breath, she wanted to stay strong for Chuck because he was the only one now that wouldn't want her to do this, Blair didn't really care and neither did Dan, the look in Nate's eyes told her he was done but that look was too much for her.

When Dan first approached her and she realized that he only wanted to use her and he didn't love her at all anymore she wanted to resist, she told him she hated him and she'd never go anywhere with him and he only smiled, she was saying no and he was smiling like she'd said yes. She only realized why when he leaned closer and whispered in her ear that Georgina got one of the guys that was with her in LA to get her the recording of the two of them at the Shepard divorce party.

"Do you think any of them will forgive you after what you've done?" he whispered and she stopped breathing, her body going stiff as she realized that they would never look at her the same. "What do you think they'd say when they find out that you had sex with another one of Blair's boyfriends just to get back at her for screwing with one of your interviews? You hurt Blair, you stole a special memory from Nate and you hurt Chuck's best friend and his girlfriend."

Serena felt like she was going to cry, the tears were stinging her eyes but she wouldn't cry in front of him she wouldn't let him see what he was doing to her.

"They'll never forgive you," he continued. "I am the only one who can love you now Serena, I know everything that you did. You're nothing to the rest of them, you know after they find out what you did they'll hate you. So come with me and they'll never know."

They hated her anyway, she had no-one left, she was alone and exiled. She didn't have anyone to stay strong for, not even Chuck, with Dan's words playing in her head and Nate's hollow eyes staring at her she grabbed the bag off the table. She didn't need to think about it as she ripped it open, she grabbed the laptop charger chord from the side of the bed to tie around her upper arm, once she was satisfied with it she held the syringe up and tapped it before bringing it down to her vein and injecting it. She winced at the pain but pushed at the plunger of the syringe so that the drug was inserted into her system, it took a few moments but she was finally overcome with the familiar sense of euphoria.

She knew that no-one's opinion of her could get lower but by getting high it could be enough to spoil Dan and Georgina's plans and she was all for that.

* * *

**A/N hey guys be proud, I'm on time again hehe I know the last chapter was confusing and I'm pretty sure this chapter is as well but I hope this chapter clears up any questions you have basically Dan used Serena and turned her friends against her, he's evil, I hate him, yet I love Georgina, i couldn't help but sneak her in lol **

**This chapter jumps around alot, for those who are deathly confused and trying to figure out what the hell I was thinking hehe this is basically at the end of a week I guess, I havent really worked out the time frame yet but Serena is sitting and looking at the drugs on the table and she thinks back to Dan convincing her to leave with him and her calling Damien for the drugs but not using them once she got them and then finally the reason Dan wants her around and the confrontation with her friends that led her to using the drugs... hope that clears it up**

**I have never used drugs so my knowledge of it all comes from google... **

**So the song for this chapter is 'Shake it out' by Florence and the Machine but I love the glee version so that's mainly what I listened to while I wrote this. **

**Thank you guys soooooo much for the reviews for the previous chapter, the response I got was amazing! I love you guys, please review this chapter and let me know what you think! Alot of you were asking for more Chuck and Serena scenes, I will try to squeeze some in, because this is an NS fic my focus is them but dont worry I'll make a plan for you guys hehe**

**Hope you enjoyed Until next time (^^,)**


	10. Part of me

_This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
Throw your sticks and stones  
Throw your bombs and your blows  
But you're not gonna break my soul  
This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

Serena is lying in bed when Georgina breezes in and throws clothes in her direction. "Up and at em," she chirps raising an eyebrow at a particularly ugly sweater. "Alessandra better have a good excuse for why this _thing_ made it into your public closet."

"Why are you here so early?" Serena asks sitting up and holding her head. "Speak softly."

"Oh S," she says trying to mimic a sympathetic tone. Serena frowns at her and Georgina rolls her eyes smiling because Serena's finally talking to her, "Well this won't do, you need to be ready for the press conference in like an hour."

"You sound like one of my nannies," Serena complains pulling the covers back over her head. "What press conference?"

"The one where you gush about how excited you are to be with Dan again, especially now that his new book is coming out," Georgina say's pulling the covers off Serena and going back to the pile of clothes she'd thrown onto the bed. "Remember to make a joke about how you hope he's going to redeem you in this book."

Georgina has her back turned to Serena so she doesn't see Serena mocking her as she speaks.

"Don't worry though you don't need to know anything about the book, just say he's keeping it all a big secret from you as well," she says turning. "What are you doing?"

Serena stops mocking her and immediately puts her hands back onto her head acting as if she hadn't done anything. "What if I don't want to do this?"

"Well then the sex tape comes out along with Gossip Girls quirky little caption and the world will know what a slut you are," Georgina says with a smile as if what they are talking about is so much fun. "Oh S, you've made me so proud."

"I don't care what the world thinks of me," Serena spits out, ever since Georgina's walked through that door she's awakened something in Serena from the old days.

"Oh sweetie," Georgina says placing her hand on her chest. "You may not care what the world thinks but you certainly care about what your friends think, and your mom and that darling little brother of yours."

"Leave Erik out of this," Serena growled, how dare Georgina bring her little brother into this.

"That's what I thought," Georgina smirked. "Now do you really want to disappoint him like that?"

"Chuck's probably already filled him in on what's going on, their opinion of me couldn't possibly get any lower," Serena said the spark she'd felt when she snapped at Georgina fading with the energy she currently had. "There's nothing left to use against me."

"Do you really think that? I know they are angry now but that will fade," Georgina said with a smile. "Especially our Golden boy, he'll come around don't worry, he'd never give up on his precious Serena."

Serena clenched her jaw when she realized Georgina was talking about Nate.

"See, I do have something to use against you," Georgina said walking toward her and leaning in to whisper in her ear. "But think of how quickly he'll give up on you when he sees you and Dan getting it on in the place he holds closest to his heart."

Serena swallowed hard and shut her eyes, even if Nate never spoke to her again, even if he had given up on her already she never wanted him to see that video. She never wanted him to know how badly she screwed up, how she destroyed and defaced one of their most intimate memories. Georgina threw the clothes onto the bed and crossed her arms over her chest raising an eyebrow at Serena.

"Oh and by the way no more of this," Georgina said frowning and throwing the syringe into the bag and swinging it in front of Serena's face. "You don't co-operate very well when you're … happy."

"Leave me alone Georgina," Serena said through gritted teeth, she was sick of Georgina and her taunting, she'd been able to ignore her for the past week that she was stuck here but she couldn't anymore.

"Fine but don't come groveling at my feet when you're bored out of your mind," Georgina said waving her hand as she left the room. "Be ready in one hour or I'm dragging you out kicking and screaming."

Serena picked up the dress and sighed, why her? She takes a deep breath rolls her neck before getting into the bathroom, she waits until the hot water hits her before she mentally prepares herself for the day, for the smiles and the laughs and holding Dan's hand and pretending to be as hopelessly in love with him as she thought she was before he made her feel like she was nothing.

She put the dress on and slipped into her heels, taking her time with her make-up when Georgina comes in with Milo on her hip, "Oh, you're ready," she says with a bright smile then thrusts the baby into Serena's arms. "Hold him for a moment."

Serena opens her eyes wide and holds the toddler away from her body, she does not know how to handle babies, she'd seen Dorota's kids but she never got close enough to hold them, the last time she actually held a baby was Erik and she was only four.

"He's not going to bite Serena," Georgina said rolling her eyes. "But he will start screaming if you keep him like that and you don't want to hear him scream."

Seeing Georgina shudder made Serena quickly bring the little boy closer to her letting him play with her hair. "What are you looking for?"

"Your phone," Georgina said looking underneath the bed. "Ah found it."

"Why do you need my phone?" Serena asked.

"I want you to see whatever Gossip Girl blasts as soon as it comes," Georgina said slipping the phone into Serena's bag and smiling. Figuring that Georgina's hands were now free Serena held the baby out to her and Georgina twisted her mouth a little. "Er… no, you keep him, he seems… happier."

"Some mother you are," Serena said frowning and walking out of the room, depositing Milo in Georgina's pet of a husbands arms as soon as he was at arm's length.

Dan stood at the door with a stoic look on his face, fixing his tie. He looked up at her and she felt conscious of her clothes as he judged her, he looked as if he disapproved but then again that was the same look she'd been getting from him every single time he looked at her lately.

Georgina led them out, talking a mile a minute about how exciting this is going to be and how brilliant this book was going to be especially since she helped him write it. Serena gulped at the thought of Georgina writing anything, she knew everybody's secrets and she loved to use them.

They reached the press venue too soon for Serena's liking, Alessandra was already there talking to reporters interested in what Dan has to say about this new book he's written. Serena was just there as a trophy, she had rehearsed lines that she had to say to make sure she compliments Dan. She feels like such a pushover, ever since she tried to make Lola the new IT girl and Lola replaced her in the fashion show she's lost so much of her confidence, the old Serena would have walked out onto the runway because that was her moment but the new Serena changed into something else and modeled the way they wanted her too, letting Lola have her spotlight.

Dan got out of the car and forced a smile, taking her hand and leading her to the little press arena that Alessandra set up for their questions, Dan greeted the reporters and the questions started coming. She was standing next to him a smile plastered on her face, hanging of his every word, in truth she didn't hear half of what he said, everything out of his mouth was fake and condescending.

Most of the questions asked was about Inside and if this book was going to be a sequel, Dan was very secretive saying that the book was not a sequel but it was going to cause more trouble than Inside ever did. Serena looked at him then, she didn't know what his book was about but she was curious, Inside literally caused all of them to hate him except maybe for Chuck who was amused but even his father wanted to punch him, how much worse could this new book be. He promised it was a tell-all book that no-one would ever forget.

Serena knew her moment was coming up, the questions were centering around his love- life and her presence there, she was readying herself for the questions when she caught sight of Nate, standing at the back of the room watching her. She didn't think twice about rushing toward him and screaming his name, she didn't care about the sex-tape or Dan and Georgina's warnings she just really wanted him to talk to her.

Nate turned away when he saw her coming toward him but it was too late because she caught him, latching onto his arm and stopping him from moving without her. "Nate please listen to me," she pleaded and Nate took a deep breath.

"What do you want me to listen to Serena, I think that proved it all," he said gesturing to where Dan was currently trying to get the attention back on him and away from her and Nate.

"That proved nothing," she said. "I don't want to be with him," she said, she didn't know why it was important for him to know this, since he brought her back they've had moments but it hadn't been moving toward a relationship, either way she needed him to know that she wasn't _with_ Dan.

"You didn't seemed forced," Nate said extracting his arm from her grasp. "And the other day when we came to get you away from him you convinced us that you were ok, so what is it Serena?"

Serena opened her mouth to respond but was hit with the realization that she did convince them to leave her and there was a reason for that and that reason was that she didn't want them to hate her more than they did which is what they are going to do once the sex-tape came out, no matter what her reasons where. This would eventually be easier to forgive.

"Find me when you figure it out," Nate said walking away from her. Serena watched him with tears in her eyes, she wanted to go after him but she couldn't, she was frozen in place her body refusing to move, she felt heavy.

"What was that?" Dan asked from behind her, Serena didn't even turn to look at him, her eyes were still on the path Nate took to get away from her. "Do you have any idea of what you just did?"

"Not a clue," Serena whispered not turning to face Dan and the emotion she knows she's not going to like on his face.

"Damn it Serena if you'd just stop thinking about yourself for one minute, this could have gone perfectly," he said angrily and Serena turned to him.

"You think I'm standing here with you because I'm selfish?" she asked not caring that she had tears running down her face. "I'm standing here because I know what that tape would do to my friends."

"No, you're just afraid of what they'll think of _you_ if they saw it," Dan said shaking his head and Serena could feel her nails digging into her palm.

"You know what, you're right," Serena said and Dan stopped whatever he was about to say and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Really?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes, ever since the Inside came out and people figured out I was Sabrina nothings really turned out the way it should have, I lost my job, you and Blair started … whatever it was that you were and the only person who cared was Nate," Serena said wiping the tears from her face..

"He fired you," Dan stated dryly. "You can't blame me for your shortcomings."

"He had his reasons and they were all to show me what I was doing wrong," she said with a tiny smile on her face. "You know I was wrong the first time I spoke to you and you asked me how I could go out with a guy I barely knew."

"And what was so wrong with that?" Dan asked. "If I remember correctly you told me I couldn't be worse than the guys you did know and from the past five years of knowing them I think that argument still holds true."

"You are so full of yourself," Serena said. "You are worse than they are, yes even Chuck, my step-brother was a pig but he's never judged or played anyone the way you have."

"You're delusional," Dan said chuckling. "Alessandra will set something up for tomorrow, you can apologize then."

Only then did Serena look behind him to see the place cleared and only a few people talking to Alessandra and Georgina, Phillip and Milo were in the corner away from the others. "What makes you think I'm going to apologize?"

"Because I still hold power over you," Dan said exasperated, like she should know this already. "You know Gossip Girl will be thrilled to have something like this in her collection."

Serena tensed and then nodded, "Go ahead, I'm not going to be your doormat anymore," she said taking a step back from him and holding her hands up. "I'm Serena van der Woodsen and I'm not going to let someone like you control me."

Serena smiled at the look on Dan's face and kept smiling as she walked away, she was going to take her life back, she wasn't going to be the girl Nate brought home in tears, she was the Upper East Side's IT girl, it was time she started acting like it.

* * *

**A/N : Hey guys, arent you proud of Serena and her standing up to Dan? I know I am hehe I liked the Georgina/Serena moment at the begining  
The song I used for this chapter was 'Part of me' by Katy Perry because of Serena finally telling Dan that she's not going to be his lapdog anymore and his opinions of her isnt going to break her, I think it fit **

**I hope you guys enjoyed this and thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter, the next chapter will have NJBC moments and no Dan, I think I've had enough of him for moment, I miss my NJBC lol**

**Anyway Please review and let me know what you think, I meant to put up a fluffy NS story in honour of the awesome 'Serenate for Season 6' trend on Twitter on Saturday night but I couldnt finish it in time so maybe sometime in the next week or two I'll have that up **

**Until next time (^^,)**


	11. Happiness

_Happiness is just outside my window _  
_ I thought it'd crash blowing 80-miles an hour? _  
_Or is happiness a little more like knocking _  
_On your door, and you just let it in?_

Chuck sat at his desk in his office waiting for the hour to pass so he could go to his meeting with Jack, his uncle had news that Chuck had to hear and new plans he knew Chuck would want to discuss. Instead of preparing though he was staring into space like he had been doing since the last time they saw Serena.

When his father married Lily he didn't expect to become part of a family the way he had, if his father hadn't died or disappeared he doesn't think he actually would have but Lily stood by him like a mother would and Erik was like Nate, he didn't look at Chuck like he was a screw up or a failure but like a brother. Serena was always different, they had a bond before the marriage, she was very much like him, broken, lost, in need of something more, they tolerated each other for the sake of Blair and Nate until one day they were family and they protected each other.

The fact that his father wants to take everything away from him makes him more protective of his family, he knew that Erik and Lily were in no immediate danger even though Lily was with his father she could handle herself but the fact that Serena keeps slipping away from him scares him more than he wants to admit.

Blair has been trying to be indifferent about Serena staying with Humphrey but Chuck could see that as much as she didn't want to let people know that she was worried about Serena, she missed her best friend and she knew something was wrong which only worried him more. Chuck knew that if he could just get Serena away from Dan that she'd tell them what was wrong because there was something wrong, no-one especially not Serena would leave her security blanket (being himself, Nate and Blair) just because Dan Humphrey snapped his fingers and decided she was worthy enough for him again.

Nate didn't know what to do with himself, before they finally managed to get to the loft and talk to Serena he was adamant that she was going to slip back into the depression he found her in. Chuck didn't know what Nate saw when he found her but he knew he never wanted to see that fear in her again. After they saw her Nate was in another state, even though she convinced them that she was fine with Dan he was sure that she was far from fine and he was going to prove it, he followed her through Gossip Girl, everywhere Serena was, so was Nate.

Chuck rubbed his hands over his face a few times, he just needed to get through this meeting and then he'll meet with Nate and Blair again and maybe one of them will be able to tell him something that would make him worry less about what she's gotten herself into.

The phone crackled to life and his receptionist's voice came through the speaker. "Mr. Bass, there's someone here to see you," she said a bit irritated, she had probably spent the better half of the last half an hour trying to let whoever it was know that he was not to be disturbed before she reached her breaking point and just called him.

"I'm busy Mary," he said pinching the bridge of his nose.

"She said to tell you her name is Serena van der Woodsen," Mary said and Chuck jumped out of his seat so fast he almost knocked over the phone in the process.

"Send her in now," he almost growled a few seconds later Serena was walking through the doors with a cautious expression on her face like she was waiting for him to scream at her. Instead Chuck walked right up to her and wrapped her in his arms, he was not a hugging person, there were only three people he had ever hugged in his life, Lily, Blair and Serena.

Serena took a breath and smiled as she wrapped her arms around Chuck. "What are you doing here?" he asked leading her to the chairs so she could sit down. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok," she said nodding. "I'm really sorry about the last week with Dan and not telling you guys what was going on."

"Serena did he threaten you?" Chuck asked, Serena looked away from him and tensed. "What does he have on you?"

Serena flinched at the overwhelming concern in Chuck's voice and looked away from him. "I need to talk to you, Nate and Blair together," she finally said. "I can't repeat it … I don't want to repeat this."

"He's going to use what he has against you," Chuck stated. "Because you left him."

Serena nodded, relieved that Chuck understood and didn't push her to talk, that's the main reason she went to him. Nate and Blair were both very understanding of her but they were also impatient and wanted to know everything immediately, Chuck understood the need for her to psych herself up and speak to everyone at once.

"Let me cancel my meeting and we'll go to the Empire," Chuck said patting her shoulder and standing up. "They should be there."

"No, no, no," Serena said standing as well and looking panicked. "Don't do that just for me, I can wait here or in the lobby until you're done."

Chuck smirked, "And give you a chance to run away again or chicken out of telling us what's been going on," he said shaking his head and Serena frowned, how was she so transparent?. "I'd rather miss my meeting, besides it's only Jack, he can tell me what he wants to tell me after we're done."

"Jack?" Serena asked confused, weren't they still at war? "I have really missed a lot, haven't I?"

"You have," Chuck said with a smile. "He's helping me keep what's rightfully mine."

Serena nodded and sat back down, taking calming breaths, she was going to let her best friends know about the sex tape and how she stupidly allowed Georgina to get her hands on it, she just hoped they didn't react the way they reacted in her nightmares. Chuck finished his phone call and grabbed his coat and briefcase.

"Let's go," he said leading her out and letting his receptionist know where he'll be.

When they finally reached the Empire, Serena didn't know if she could do it, she felt like she was going to hyperventilate. Chuck nudged her into the elevator and pushed the button and Serena thought she was going to faint, breath by breath she finally calmed herself down enough to look calm when the elevator doors opened. Checking her phone again to see if Gossip Girl hadn't posted anything Serena didn't want her to, Serena let out a tiny sigh of relief when she realized there was still time to tell her friends about the sex tape before the rest of the world sees it.

"Chuck, you're here early," Blair said when her boyfriend walked in, when she called earlier he had said he'd be a little late. "Is everything ok?"

Chuck nodded and kissed her lightly. "Where's Nate? I have a surprise for him," Chuck said and Blair raised an eyebrow and only then did she look behind him to see Serena give her a small wave.

"S," Blair squealed with wide eyes going to hug the blond. "You're back, where's Humphrey?"

"He's in Brooklyn, you were right I didn't want to try to be with Dan again," Serena said smiling and Blair nodded, giving her another hug.

"Oh course I was right," she said and they both giggled.

"Serena, you're back?" Nate asked when Chuck called him out to see her. Serena smiled at him and nodded because when he saw her earlier that day he told her to find him when she figured it out and she didn't want to be with Dan.

Nate smiled and walked to her but instead of hugging her like she expected, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Serena was shocked for a moment but kissed him back, her fingers gripping his shirt and butterfly's fluttering in her tummy, she was so lost in the kiss that she forgot Chuck and Blair were still in the room until Chuck wolf whistled and Serena jumped back breathing heavily, feeling the blood rush to her now red cheeks.

"You don't have to be embarrassed S, it's just us," Blair said laughing as she leaned into Chuck's embrace. "We've seen worse remember."

Serena bit her lip and looked up at Nate who had a questioning look on his face to know if what he did was ok. Serena leaned up and touched their lips together again quickly, "We'll talk about this later ok?" she asked softly.

Nate nodded and she smiled, she didn't want to raise her hopes up too high because what she was about to explain could bring them right down again and she couldn't think of that right now but she also didn't want him to think that she didn't want him or she didn't feel something from that kiss because she did.

"You were going to tell us why you left with Humphrey," Chuck reminded her and Serena's smile slipped of her face.

"Urm yeah," she said pushing Nate to sit down on the couch, she perched herself on the armrest next to him with his hand in hers. _I am the only one who can love you now Serena, I know everything that you did. You're nothing to the rest of them, you know after they find out what you did they'll hate you. _Dan's words came back to her and she stuttered a little.

"You said he blackmailed you," Chuck said bringing her out of her memory and Serena nodded looking away from her friends, Nate's thumb gently stroked her hand and she smiled at him for the comfort.

"I did something, it's not something I regret but…"

"You're rambling," Blair said with her eyebrows raised and a knowing expression on her face.

"Ok, I made a deal with Gossip Girl and I wasn't sure if I would go through with it because I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I did," she said taking her hand out of Nate's and standing. "And after our fight I went through with it," she said looking at Blair. "Because I wanted to hurt you, I went to the Shepard wedding and I did it."

"Serena what did you do?" Chuck asked leaning forward.

Serena looked at Chuck and Blair and finally at Nate, all of them looked concerned and intrigued, they didn't look angry yet. She took a deep breath and stepped back toward the elevator because what she was about to say may require her to leave as soon as possible, she didn't want to see their faces when they looked at her disappointedly. "I …" she started but was cut off my four message tones. "Oh no."

Serena took her phone out of her pocket and looked to her friends who were doing the same, she blinked a few times as the tears already began to form and pressed her lips together, feeling lightheaded as her heart beat rapidly for what was to come. She took a moment before looking at her phone and the latest Gossip Girl's blast.

_They say the past has a funny way of coming back to haunt you and for most people that rings true but for our resident IT girl I'd say I was the karmic force that loves to haunt her every move. Props to Lonely Boy for handing over his very own sex tape for the world to see, how very Kim K of you but sources tell me it could be good for business, didn't S tell you though she made a deal with the devil and you just handed over my reward.  
I have been told that S's performance with N is far more entertaining than D but we'll have to use our imaginations because I don't have footage of N's magical night.  
To our Queen B, you can thank S for stopping those diary posts from making a comeback but in my opinion I think a catfight is about to happen, S screwed another one of B's boyfriends.  
For all of you wondering, our power four are about to have some serious problems and you all have front row seats to see them crumble or band together to become closer then ever, until then you know you love me xoxo Gossip Girl_

Serena held her hand to her mouth, the video was below Gossip Girls caption the play icon mocking her before she shuts her phone of and looks up to see three pairs of shocked eyes on her.

* * *

**A/N : this has got to be one of the more fun chapter's I have written lol the song is called Happiness and it's by the Fray, I chose this song because Serena's so close to being happy and then GG just pulls it from beneath her, it's an amazing song that makes me want to cry everytime I listen to it and I don't know why, the way it's sung and the music is just so touching, alot like the Kiss song Beth, thats another really sweet song that makes me all teary-eyed ok so before I go on about more of my favorite songs lol let me talk about the chapter.**

**This chapter see's Serena being a big girl and talking to her friends, she goes to Chuck first because like you guys I was missing my brotherly Chuck moments and I had to get one in, Blair seems to have been worried about Serena but the reveal of the sex tape could completely derail their newfound friendship. I needed some sort of NS interaction and the idea of him just kissing her instead of really saying anything stuck with me lol so from their last encounter where he told her to make up her mind and here when she finally does and he's beyond relieved, it's a happy Nate, adn when Nate's happy, I'm happy :D**

**Do you guys find it wierd when I do these recaps and long authors notes? Coz I can stop if you do**

**Oh BTW new story is out, its called Puppy love and its the fluffiest thing I have written in a while, its alot like Nate's niece for those of you who have read that and liked it**

**Ok I'm going to stop talking now lol thank you all for the amazing response to the previous chapter you guys are absolutly fabulous, please let me know what you think about this chapter and if you have any thoughts or you feel someone should react a certain way, tell me! **

**Please review Until Next time (^^,)**


	12. Fix you

___And the tears come streaming down your face  
__When you lose something you can't replace  
__When you love someone but it goes to waste  
__Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones__  
And I will try to Fix You_

"This is why you left?" Chuck asked, being the first one to react to the Gossip Girl post. "This is what Humphrey had on you?"

"Yes," Serena whispered taking another step back as he stood.

Nate stood as well but he just stared at her, his mouth moved a couple of times but he couldn't form the words to say to her so he just ended up staring at her.

"How dare you," Blair exploded from behind Chuck. She was still looking at her screen when the boys spoke or tried to speak to Serena. "How dare you come here and act like you were the one who was hurt."

"Blair," Serena started but Blair held her hand up and shook her head.

"I thought that you left the city because I kicked you out of the penthouse," Blair said taking a step forward and Serena immediately took a step back, Chuck raised an eyebrow at Blair. "Before you left with Dan I started to feel guilty for it because you were my best friend and you really didn't mean to let Gossip Girl see those diary posts."

"I didn't," Serena said shaking her head.

"But you did manage to sleep with another one of my boyfriends," Blair said rolling her eyes. "_That_ was intentional, you said so yourself, you knew how much that would hurt me."

"I did it to help you," Serena screamed with tears in her eyes.

"Blair shut up," Chuck snapped when he saw Blair open her mouth to retortand Blair glared at him. "Serena, that wasn't something you needed to hide from us."

"Apparently I did," Serena said biting her lip and shrugging as she looked at Blair. "I was supposed to tell you before Dan released it to Gossip Girl," her eyes landing on Nate because _he_ wasn't meant to find out like this.

"This isn't something you'd run away from," Nate finally said finding his voice and avoiding her eyes. "Just this video?"

"There's more," Chuck said taking his eyes of Blair and back to Serena.

"Of course there's more, there's always more," Blair spat out and Serena blinked back the tears that stung her eyes as she looked away from Nate. "Just like last time when she thought she killed a guy, who did you kill this time?"

"Blair," both Nate and Chuck said warningly at the same time and she huffed at them, crossing her arms and choosing to stare at Serena.

"I didn't kill anyone," Serena said shaking her head and taking yet another step back so she was pressed up against the wall and looked at Blair. "You wouldn't take my calls or even acknowledge me when I came to see you and apologize, you just said it was better when I was gone, Dan told me that he was thrilled that our parents were getting divorced so he never had to see me again and I just had to leave."

"Serena stop running away from us," Chuck said walking forward to her but stopped when she pressed herself further back into the wall.

"I'm sorry I have to," Serena said slipping into the elevator and breathing out a tiny sigh of relief when no-one followed her in.

"You told her it was better when she was gone?" Chuck asked angrily turning to Blair.

"She gave Gossip Girl my deepest most true thoughts, she tried to vilify my relationship with Dan so she could have him and would you look at that, she manipulated him to being with her," Blair said waving her phone in the air. "What did you expect me to do?"

"I didn't think you'd lie," Chuck said, he was trying to keep himself calm but inside he was seething, he was blaming Dan for Serena's disappearance and the fear that came with not being able to track her down with all his resources but he can't only blame Dan, Blair was part of the reason his sister left and she couldn't see how badly it damaged the blond.

"I didn't lie Chuck, if Serena hadn't done what she did, if she hadn't tried to be a good Gossip Girl none of my secrets would have made it onto Gossip Girl," Blair said trying to get him to see it from her point of view instead of protecting his precious sister. "And then she had the audacity to tell me that I hadn't grown up because I still couldn't tell you I loved you, I was angry and I had every right to be."

"She was right, you haven't grown up Blair," Chuck roared and Blair took a step back and looked at him shocked, this wasn't the reaction she was expecting from him. "Nobody cared what you wrote in your diaries, the public probably had a field day but we knew how you felt, Serena, Nate and I, we knew all your secrets because we know _you, _we were the only one's whose opinions you should have considered."

"Chuck, I-"

"And you know what the worst part is," Chuck said and Blair swallowed hard.

"What's the worst part?" she asked softly.

"If those diary posts hadn't come out or Serena hadn't fought you on the fact that you were too scared to be with me, you would probably still be with Humphrey, trying to keep up your charade," Chuck said shaking his head.

"I wouldn't have," Blair said stepping forward to touch his arm. "Chuck, I don't have any feeling's for him, I love you, with or without Serena, I would have fought for you."

"Really Blair, did you notice your reaction at all when you saw the Gossip Girl blast?" Chuck asked. "Because if I remember correctly, when that happened you came to tell me that you were in love with me and you and Humphrey were over."

"I am not wrong here, he was still my boyfriend when she had sex with him," Blair countered. "All she did that night was betray me."

"If anything she helped you, she did it to stop your private thoughts from being aired to the world, so stop acting like a child and apologize to her," Chuck said staring at her, he knew she had too much pride to apologize but he could try and make her see her faults and how much it hurt the way she reacted to Serena and Dan. The elevator dinged in the background breaking Chuck's concentration. "Nathaniel?"

"He's gone," Blair says pulling out her phone.

Chuck looked at his phone as well to see a Gossip Girl blast, he opened it and clenched his jaw. "Shit," he mumbled, what else could go wrong today?

_Spotted Serena van der Woodsen running straight into Lonely boy's arms, why the long face S?_

"Where are you going?" Blair asked watching as he grabbed his coat and headed for the elevator.

"To find Nathaniel and possibly Serena," Chuck said. "I'd advise you to stay away from me until you've figured out what you want."

* * *

"Hey Nate," Dan said when he saw his friend walk into the loft. Nate grunted as he brought up his fist to punch Dan in his face. "What is it with you Upper East Side people," Dan muttered, first Chuck now Nate.

"You slept with her?" Nate asked grabbing Dan by his jacket and pinning him against the wall. "You _slept _with her?"

"Nate…," Dan tried but Nate just shook him and he shut up.

"What the hell where you thinking man?" Nate asked letting him go and stepping away. "How could you?"

"It wasn't like that," Dan said getting irritated and Nate raised an eyebrow. "You can't say anything to me when you did exactly the same thing I did when you were fifteen."

Dan looked like he was going to say more but he was pinned to the wall again by Nate. "Don't ever compare me to you, Serena and I were kids and we were drunk, man, the both of you were barely tipsy, you had full control over what you were doing, you knew you were cheating on Blair with her best friend."

"So what you're going to blame what happened with you on alcohol?" Dan asked almost taunting. "Fine I knew what I was doing but you can't even admit to the fact that you willingly cheated on Blair with Serena."

Nate's hands were in fists and he was shaking with rage, "I've never blamed what I did on alcohol but it played a huge role in acting on feelings that I wouldn't have acted on if I were sober," he growled through clenched teeth. "What happened with Serena was not meant to hurt Blair but you, you are a work of art Dan, Blair stops paying attention to you so you play her and Serena against each other, you hurt them both in the worst way and you knew exactly what you were doing."

"I didn't …" Dan began again and Nate cut him off pushing his arm harder against Dan's neck to stop him from speaking.

"You did, Serena still loved you and you knew it but you loved Blair and when Blair didn't return that love you used Serena to make her pay," Nate said and Dan rolled his eyes. "The one thing that tore Blair and Serena apart before was when she found out about her best friend and her boyfriend and you thought it would have the same effect this time but you didn't stop there you made sure Serena felt absolutely worthless before you left."

"Oh please Nate I'm not an Upper East Sider," Dan said touching the sore skin close to his eye.

"No you aren't," Nate said shaking his head. "You're worse than you ever think we'll be, you blackmailed Serena into being with you so … what? I don't even know why you blackmailed her."

"Georgina and I thought …"

"You listened to Georgina?" Nate asked throwing his arms up. "What happened to you?"

"Serena is the reason Blair and I are over, she's the reason I cheated," Dan said. "This was revenge."

"Revenge," Nate repeated and rubbed his hand on his forehead. "You idiot, I don't care how far Georgina is willing to go to help you, I will destroy you."

"You aren't like that Nate," Dan said raising an eyebrow. "Somebody could try to kill you and you would eventually forgive them."

"I wouldn't," Chuck smirked from the door. "Nathaniel may be too good but I don't care about the consequences of ruining your life."

"Congratulations, you just lost your only remaining friend," Nate said turning away from Dan and walking out. "Let's go, Serena didn't come here with him."

"Do you know where she is?" Chuck asked following Nate.

"I think I have an idea," Nate said pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'll drop you off," Chuck said. "Then I'm going to make sure no-one ever see's Humphreys new book or anything else he may write in the future."

* * *

Nate found Serena exactly where he thought he would, in her room at her mother's apartment, or her apartment now. She was sitting on the floor against the bed looking out into the city through the sliding doors that led to her balcony. Nate sunk down to the floor beside her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, she sounded exactly like she did when he found her in the dumps of LA and his chest tightened, it was not how he ever wanted to hear her speak again.

"You were upset," Nate said moving closer so he was right there if she needed to lean on him. "I needed to make sure you were ok."

"You're always taking care of me," Serena said smiling and turning her face into the fabric of his shirt.

Nate took that as a cue to put his arm around her and breath out a sigh of relief that she isn't flinching every time he touches her. "Well somebody has to."

"I'm broken," she whispered sobbing into his chest, her tears were the most honest and heartbreaking thing he'd ever had to experience.

"You're leaving again?" he asked eyeing the open, half packed suitcase in the corner of the room.

"I can't be here, I'll just make things worse," she said.

"No you won't," Nate assured her, rubbing her arms as he held her.

"I made a sex tape," Serena said shaking her head and Nate shrugged.

"I'm willing to bet it's not the first," he joked and she smiled.

"Natie," she complained teasingly about his bad joke before being serious again. "I thought he loved me, God I am so stupid."

"You're not stupid," Nate said nudging her with his shoulder. "He's just … not the person we all thought he was."

"I should have come back for you," Serena said and Nate froze, causing Serena to panic. It was the one thing she was thinking about since the kiss, when she first came back to New York, if she just admitted that she wanted to be with him then Dan would never have entered the picture, she and Blair would have been at war but eventually she and Chuck would have become a couple and their lives would have had less drama.

"Serena …" Nate started and stopped, he didn't know how to respond to that, he'd been waiting for so long to hear her say that and now that she has all those years he spent pining after her, their short lived relationship all of it felt like it had some sort of meaning, like he wasn't just doing it on blind faith. Instead of saying anything though Nate just leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her head.

"I really didn't mean for you to find out about the sex tape the way you did," Serena said after she realized what she said wasn't going to cause him to scream at her. "I didn't mean for it to be in the same place either."

"Oh I know," Nate said with a smile. "You're going to be ok, you know that right?"

"I know," Serena said after a few moments leaning back to look into his shining blue eyes. She wanted to kiss him and she actually leaned in unconsciously to do so but he turned his head to look back out into the city, whether that was intentional or a coincidence Serena didn't know but his cheek was pressed against the top of her head and she could feel his heart beating against the pam of her hand and she couldn't think of anything she'd rather be doing in her mood.

"So … I was better … right?" Nate asked and Serena snapped up her head to look at him. Nate was looking at her seriously, his blue eyes questioning her and she couldn't help but burst into uncontrollable laughter, Nate mumbled a 'what did I say?' under his breath but the smile on his face told her he knew exactly what he said. Serena nodded and wrapped her arms around Nate's neck, he was always better.

* * *

**A/N : ok so this chapters song is also the story title, Fix you by Coldplay mainly because the verse that I quoted just fit Serena and the chorus fit Nate and its where everything started for me, I wrote alot of this chapter when I first came up with this idea but I obviously had to change alot of it to keep up with the change in idea's as the story progressed.**

**I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it was more difficult than I intended to write but I think that was mainly the Blair and Chuck part because I'm so scared I'm going to mess them up. And of course I had to show that I was on Chuck's side lol as much as I'm trying to redeem Blair, I'm still mad at her for the second half of Season 5 and I'm holding this grudge**

**Orlytush, thank you for the awesome line that Nate said at the end, i know this isnt what you were thinking when you gave me that line but it was just how I thought it would flow, lol i hope you enjoyed it**

**So when DS had their big bar scene I immediately thought she did it for Gossip Girl to stop Blair's diary posts and thats another reason this story came about, but I still think that this is why she led Dan to the bar room and proposed that they do things, was it just me or did you guys also find the pauses in that scene really stupid**

**I had to had to use the I should have come back for you line! I've been thinking about that line so much and I just realised I hadnt actually used it in any of my other stories so yey me lol**

**Oh I started watching Revenge and Erik, baby Erik is acting like a bad boy and I just want to reach onto the TV screen and hug him because to be he'll always be little Erik van der Woodsen**

**Ok this is getting really long so thank you all so much for the reviews, the next chapter is gonna have a little time jump I think anyway please enjoy and review and dont get depressed like I did about the DS pictures that came out today :( **

**Until next time (^^,)**


	13. In a Second

What I think  
You are just perfect  
Could it be  
That I am worth it  
Is this thing an open door  
Walk right through to something more  
You and me  
My life would change in a second  
In a second

"It's been a week, Erik, one week," Serena screams into the phone as soon as Erik answers.

"_Hello Serena, how are you Serena, it's nice to hear your voice after such a long time Serena_," Erik said and Serena rolls her eyes.

"Hi Erik, I spoke to you last week Erik," Serena retorts and Erik chuckles. "I miss you."

"_I miss you too, now what are we talking about?_" Erik asked and Serena giggled.

"We're talking about the almost kiss," Serena said rolling her eyes, the week before when the video of her and Dan came out, Nate found her and she leaned in to kiss him but he turned away, intentionally or not she doesn't know. "He still hasn't said anything about it yet."

"_Maybe he really didn't know that you were gonna kiss him_," Erik reasoned and Serena sighed. "_What were you expecting?"_

"Nate and I were building toward something and then Dan decided to threaten me with that damn tape," Serena fumed, pacing her room. "He kissed me when I finally got away from Dan only to have everything lost when Gossip Girl posted the video and then he just looked away when I went to kiss him, he's still living with me."

"_Serena, have you spoken to him?" _Erik asked.

"No," she mumbled. "This sex tape ruined everything, Dan ruined everything."

Erik laughed and Serena frowned, her little brother was supposed to be more empathetic than this, it's why she called him instead of going to Chuck. "_Talk to him about it."_

Serena let out a breath and rolled her eyes, she was too afraid to bring it up with Nate when she spoke to him but she needed to know how he felt about her after the Gossip Girl blast. "I want him to bring it up, he hasn't come close to the topic of a relationship yet," Serena complained turning around and stopping short at the person standing at her door looking at her. "I have to go E, bye."

"_Ok just talk to him, bye S," _Erik said.

Serena ended the call and slipped her phone into her pocket and bit her lip before staring at the door again, "Blair, what brings you here?"

"I, um, is Nate here?" Blair asks looking around and smoothing out her skirt like she does when she's nervous about something.

"No, he and Chuck had some meeting they had to go to," Serena said realizing that she should have spent more time listening to Nate's explanations instead of staring at his face trying to look for clues to see if he was uncomfortable around her or if he felt anything for her.

"What meeting?" Blair asked because Nate and Chuck work in completely different fields, if they were at a meeting it had to be personal.

Serena shrugged because she really didn't pay any attention to Nate like she was supposed to. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you I was looking for Nate," Blair said adjusting her bag on her arm and Serena raised an eyebrow.

"What are you really doing here Blair, I know you aren't here to see Nate," Serena said and Blair closed her eyes and took a breath before looking at the blond again.

"No I'm not," she admits and Serena looks at her to continue. "I am here to … apologize for my outburst when your sex tape with Dan came out."

Serena doesn't say anything, she's too shocked to say anything, the fact that Blair Waldorf apologized to her after what she did has left her speechless.

"One week away from everyone forced me to look at this more clearly and see that you were trying to stop Gossip Girl from revealing more of my diary entries," Blair said and Serena nodded, she didn't feel the need to remind Blair that by the time she reached the Shepard divorce party she was so angry at the that she would have done it anyway. "I had basically already left Dan so it wasn't as if you were with another one of my boyfriends."

"Did Chuck ask you to do this?" Serena asked because she had locked herself in the apartment for the whole week, the only person to see her was Nate and Chuck phoned occasionally to check if she hadn't slipped back into extreme depression, she knew that Blair and Chuck fought after she left and that Chuck was getting progressively more protective over her than she could imagine so it would make sense that Blair would apologize to get back into his good books.

"I haven't seen or spoken to Chuck since the blast," Blair said softly looking away and Serena nodded, this was all Blair.

Blair looked at Serena for a beat before turning to walk away. "Blair wait," Serena called walking toward her and throwing her arms around the petite brunette. Blair was startled for a second before she put her arms around Serena and hugged her back, "I'm so sorry, for everything."

"I'm sorry too," Blair said, her voice cracking. Both the girls pulled away and laughed as they wiped their tears, they were a mess but they were best friends and sisters and they could work through this.

"We are like little girls," Serena said giggling as she wiped her eyes.

"I know," Blair said shaking her head and laughing. "With Erik earlier, were you talking about Nate?"

Serena pressed her lips together and nodded. "He's been perfect since … well always but especially these last few weeks and I think … I'm confused."

"You're not confused," Blair said with a smile. "You're in love with him."

"But I thought I was two years ago and look at what happened?" Serena said running her fingers through her hair and walking away from Blair before turning back around. "I don't want to break his heart again."

"You won't this time," Blair said sitting down on the couch and watching Serena pace.

"How can you be so sure?" Serena asked chewing on her thumb nail.

"Hey girls," Nate said walking into the room and eyeing them suspiciously. "What were you two talking about?"

"Forgiveness," Blair said standing. "And lunch tomorrow."

"It would be good for you to get out of the apartment," Nate said carefully looking at Serena who just nodded.

"I'll leave now, see you tomorrow S," Blair said grabbing her bag and waving to them as she left.

"So does this mean that the two of you made up?" Nate asked dropping his file onto the table and looking at her.

"Yeah," Serena chocked out, clearing her throat. "She said she's sorry, how was your meeting?"

"It went well, Chuck seemed a little depressed though," Nate said sitting down and Serena bit her lip and smiled. "I know that look, what are you planning?"

"Call Chuck and tell him you want to meet him for lunch tomorrow," Serena said clapping her hands together in front of her and propping her chin on her knuckles.

"I don't think either of them are going to be too happy with us if we do this," Nate said smiling at her enthusiasm.

"They are never going to be happy with us but they need to be together, they belong together and I don't want to be the reason that they aren't together," Serena said and Nate laughed.

"You're not the reason that they're in this weird limbo, it's Chuck and Blair," Nate said as if it explained everything and Serena frowned. "Come on S, just let them sort it out by themselves."

"No, I'm going to help," Serena said crossing her arms and looking at Nate with both her eyebrows raised.

"Fine but if this backfires, I'm telling Chuck you stole my phone," Nate said and Serena squealed and hugged him quickly before running into her room to call Erik and finish a conversation that got interrupted.

Nate shook his head and smiled as he texted Chuck, Serena's moods had been out of control ever since the Gossip Girl blast, at first she was depressed like when he found her, it scared him a little but he could handle that, he managed to get Erik to talk to her and her mood improved greatly, she still had those moments when she felt as if she was responsible for every bad thing that ever happened but then she started spacing out on him and that freaked him out more than anything else because she never did that before and he didn't know what he was meant to do then. Every time he spoke to her she just stared at him and everything he said he knew was just flying over her head so he just pretended like he didn't notice and hoped that she didn't need him to.

It took Serena a while before she got out of her room but by the time they sat down to eat he could tell that her mood had changed again, she was happy when Blair left and now she was stoic again, only talking to him when he asked a question and even then it was just one word answers.

"Did something happen to Erik?" Nate asked when he just had to know why she was sad again.

"No," Serena said furrowing her eyebrows and biting her bottom lip.

"Ok," Nate said standing and scooping up their takeout boxes to throw into the bin. "Where's your head at?"

"It's right here," Serena said shrugging and folding her arms across her chest.

"I don't think so," Nate said sitting directly in front of her and cocking his head to the side. "Something happened in the last few hours, I just don't know what."

"Where's your phone?" Serena asked and Nate dug into his pants pockets before frowning and patting his shirt as if the phone would be underneath the pocket-less material.

"I must have left it at the office," he said looking around to see if he left it on the table when he walked in.

Serena reached across the table and grabbed her phone, she found what she was looking for and handed it to him. It was a Gossip Girl blast from about an hour before which quoted an article about the reason that Dan's book deal has fallen through and why he is so miserable, Serena.

"As if he didn't do enough already," Nate mumbled and Serena looked down.

"Am I really that bad?" Serena asked referring to the article. "Am I so despicable that I don't deserve love like he says?"

"Don't listen to him, to this," Nate said putting the phone down and taking her hands in his. "You deserve the world, you are not a bad person Serena, you've made mistakes but we all have, he's just trying to get to you because he knows how fragile you are right now."

"And why am I fragile Nate?" Serena asks pulling her hands out of his and standing. "I'm fragile because I didn't want Blair to have him and so I took him from her and he rejected me for it when I so greatly assumed he'd fall for me. I am as manipulative as he describes me to be, I am a bad person."

Nate sighs as he stands because they've been having this conversation repetitively over the last week, he doesn't know how else to get it into her head that she is perfect and that anyone would be crazy not to see that. "Serena …"

"You think that too," Serena says with tears in her eyes and Nate stops and looks at her confused. "Before everything came out you kissed me and you wanted to be with me again and now you don't even acknowledge that or when I tried to kiss you after you found me here, I don't even know if you _know_ that I was going to kiss you."

Serena took a few moments to bring her breathing back to normal and for her brain to catch up to the words she just said and regret it greatly, she didn't want to ask Nate about his feelings like this, she didn't want it to be a reaction to something Dan said in an interview, she wanted to speak to him about it because she needed him to know how she felt.

"Serena I didn't try to kiss you again because you were really upset," Nate said walking toward her and she wrapped her arms around herself and stared at him because what was he saying. "I thought you needed time to get over the fall out with Blair and everything that happened with Dan."

"What does that mean?" Serena asked hopefully, and then internally scolded herself because she sounded way too desperate.

"It means," Nate said with a huge smile as he came to a stop so close to her that she could feel his body heat. "It means that my feelings haven't changed, it means that I still want to be with you, even if you don't deserve love, it means that I love you and nothing's going to change that."

Serena bit her lip to stop the smile on her face from getting to huge and tightened the grip she had around herself because she was afraid that her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. "I love you too," she whispered and Nate took her face gently in his hands and kissed her, pulling her arms from the vice grip they had on her waist and letting them fall gently to his.

"Yeah?" he asked and she nodded wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him again. "Don't change that."

* * *

**A/N : The chapters song is called 'In a second' by Aly and Aj its basically for the end on this chapter**

**I am soooo so so so so sorry about the long wait for this chapter and I know it isnt all that good becasue I have sort of hit a writers block with it so I really am sorry but I hope you guys liked it! I think that the next chapter will be the last chapter so if you guys want to see anything happen please let me know, I think that if I can better this then I'm going to update this chapter but I'm kinda ok with it considering my writers block**

**Blake is married guys, who else was secretly hoping that she and Chace would find their way to each other lol I'm happy for her though I hope she's happy hehe**

**I really dont know what else to say but please enjoy the chapter, happy NS and please review! Thanks to all of you who didnt give up on this story hehe **

**Until Next time (^^,)**


	14. Hello Beautiful

_But tonight, I'm gonna fly  
Yeah tonight, I'm gonna fly  
'Cause I could go across the world  
And see everything and never be satisfied  
If I couldn't see those eyes_

Serena woke up for the first time in months with a smile on her face, looking to her left she found Nate on his belly, his face to her, lips slightly parted and looking adorable, when he was asleep he looked like the fifteen year old she fell in love with all those years ago. She felt giddy when she realized that this wasn't a dream and that they had finally gotten together the night before and he wasted no time in getting her into bed and keeping her there, after all he did promise her 'no more slow', no matter how long ago that was, Nate never broke his promises to her.

Serena bit her lip and pushed the covers down Nate's body stopping it at his hips, she traced the line of his spine and the dimples at his hips making him shiver in his sleep, she laughed silently as she traced the deep scratches she made the night before. Serena bent down and kissed each of the marks she'd made, Nate grabbed her hand and turned onto his side so he could pull her flush against him and kiss her good morning.

"Good morning Natie," Serena mumbled against his lips.

"It is isn't it?" Nate said pulling away to push her unruly hair out of her face and grinning. "I would take you to breakfast but I think its lunch now."

"We should just stay in bed all day," Serena said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and Nate laughed.

"I love the way you think van der Woodsen," Nate said going back to kissing her.

As soon as he flipped her onto her back her phone started ringing and Serena stopped and sighed, "That's Blair," she whispered.

"Ignore it," Nate said nudging her head to the side so he could have access to her neck and knowing full well that she wouldn't ignore this call because she and Blair just started talking again.

"Natie…" Serena started and then gasped as Nate's kisses made her lose her train of thought.

Nate stopped when his phone started ringing as well, "What is going on?" he asked exasperatedly, picking his head up and glaring in the general direction of his phone, Serena giggled beneath him and he hung his head. "Damn Chuck and Blair."

"How do you know its Chuck?" Serena asked wrapping the sheet around her body and digging around the mess on the floor for her phone which stopped ringing.

"Because he's got his own ringtone to let me know when I have to answer the call," Nate said jumping of the bed and pulling on his boxers before grabbing his phone.

"It always scares me how alike those two are," Serena said finally locating her phone just in time for it to start ringing again. "Hey B, what's up?"

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up, I just spent the last ten excruciating minutes waiting for you with none other than Chuck Bass, who by the way will not talk to me no matter what I do so it was awkward, please tell me you're on your way," Blair said into the phone with such practiced restraint it scared Serena a little. "Wait, did you plan this?"

"Well actually," Serena started but was cut off by Blair.

"You know what, I don't care. I don't care about what you're doing, you will get down here in the next 5 minutes or I will scream," Blair said cutting the call and Serena bit back a laugh, Blair Waldorf was a truly one of a kind. Serena walked over the bed to Nate and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind listening to Chuck complain about being left alone with Blair like they weren't being all adorable before the Gossip Girl blast hit.

"Stop complaining and talk to her," Serena said taking the phone from Nate.

"Serena?" Chuck asked puzzled.

"Yes, who else would it be?" Serena asked wondering why he was so confused. "Instead of making her uncomfortable talk to her about whatever it is that's got you mad at her, she's still Blair and she loves you."

"Serena this isn't as easy," Chuck started but Serena stopped him.

"Stop making it complicated," she told him, getting distracted by Nate turning in her arms and going back to what he was doing before their phones disturbed them. "If Blair and I could work out our problems so could you," Serena said cutting the call and moaning, she knew what she said to Chuck was completely false because their situations were so different but she was so distracted by Nate that she didn't care. "We have to go meet them."

"No we don't," Nate said kissing her lips and pushing the sheet away from her body. "Let them work out their problems."

Serena gave in for a moment and kissed Nate, tugging him closer to her so she could press their bare chests together. "We have to," she whispered when they broke apart for air. "You know we do."

"Noooooooo, S, you're killing the mood," Nate said groaning and wrapping his arms around her tightly so he could hold her with his thumbs lightly stroking the skin at her rib cage making her squirm.

"Nate no," Serena protested feebly, trying to give him her best pouting face but she couldn't help the giggles that escaped her lips.

"Tell me we're going to stay in bed the whole day and I'll let you go," he said smirking, knowing that with the way he was holding her he could tickle her and she wouldn't be able to move.

Serena grabbed his hands and squeezed them so he would stop tickling her and took a breath to make herself concentrate, "We should go, I don't want Blair mad at me anymore," Serena said and Nate sighed and frowned at her before making a move to let her go but she held his arms in place, Nate tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at her. "It doesn't mean that we can't still have fun getting ready to go there," she said biting her lip. "After all we have to shower and change and I'm not known for being on time … ever."

"I know that better than _anyone_," Nate said and Serena rolled her eyes, she remembered all the dates when she made him wait for her, all the school dances before Blair that they went to together where he spent more time with Erik in the living room than with her in the cab to the dance, she even made him wait for her to go to the beach in the Hamptons on those hot summer mornings.

"Blair will understand," Serena said already distracted by Nate's lips.

"Yep," Nate said and picked Serena up, throwing her over his shoulder.

"Nate!" Serena screamed.

"I love it when you scream my name," he said laughing as he took her to the bathroom.

"You are an hour late," Blair said under her breath when Serena leaned down to hug her.

"You're still here," Serena said and then nodded to Chuck who was currently in deep conversation with Nate. "You guys spoke?"

"We did," Blair said and Serena nudged her to tell her what else. "We decided that we have a lot that we need to work through but we're both willing to try to keep this relationship as alive as yours and Nate's seem to be."

Serena couldn't help the huge smile that crept onto her face at the thought of herself and Nate together again. "I think maybe you're right, I think this time we can make it work."

"Well I approve, as long as Humphrey stays out of our lives long enough for us to work through our problems we'll all be fine," Blair said and Serena smiled and looked over at Nate.

"I think so too," Serena whispered. "So Chuck, how was your meeting yesterday?"

"I thought Nathaniel would have told you," Chuck said raising an eyebrow and Serena blushed and shook her head.

"We were busy with … other things," Nate said.

"I bet," she said taking a sip of her water and Serena glared at her.

"Well it's about time," Chuck said shaking his head and smirking.

"Back to the meeting yesterday," Serena said, she really didn't care what their meeting was about but she didn't want to have this conversation with Chuck, not now at least.

"Just a normal meeting, met some big guys in the business, told them what we needed and they made sure they got it done," Chuck said vaguely and Serena put her elbows on the table and propped her head on her hands looking at Chuck like she didn't believe a word he said.

"I can usually decipher anything you say but even I need a translator for that one, Nate?" Blair said turning her eyes from Chuck who scowled at her to Nate who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Well you see … urm … we may have been the reason that Dan's book mysteriously vanished from the publishers office along with any of the back-up copies, paperback or electronic," Nate said sheepishly and the girls gaped at them.

"In our defense there was incriminating things in that book that I'd rather the public not have any knowledge on," Chuck said. "Even if Gossip Girl posts it, people would take it more seriously from Humphrey's book."

"That's what that interview was about? And you knew?" Serena asked and Nate nodded.

"We didn't want you guys to freak out, so we just made it go away," Nate said wincing as he watched the tears fill in Serena's eyes, he didn't know what caused them this time.

"Well that's one problem taken care of," Blair said with a smile then looking down at the menu.

"I guess it is," Serena said smiling at the boys and looking down as well, Chuck and Nate looked at each other and Nate nodded as if to say that he'll find out what was bothering Serena later.

When they parted after lunch Serena was happy to see Chuck and Blair walk together and get into the Bass limo, the lunch was not as awkward as she expected it to be, she figured that giving them time was a good thing and she was happy she got them both to the same place even though she forgot about it. Chuck and Blair have some things to work through but there was no doubt in Serena's mind that they will get together and live a long and happy life together because they know what it's like to be without each other and it's not something either of them wants again, Serena thinks she knows the feeling as she looks at Nate who was flagging down a cab for them.

"Is everything ok?" Serena asked Nate when they were back at her apartment, she had to keep reminding herself that it was all hers now, she even signed papers to say that she owned it, it felt good to _own_ something like an apartment even if it was just given to her. Lily and Bart were still set to be married in a month but Serena could see history repeating itself, she could see her mother wondering if she should have stayed with Rufus especially since Chuck was against her marrying Bart again. Serena just hoped she figured it out before it got too out of control.

"Nothing's wrong," Nate said sitting down on the couch and turning the TV on.

Serena frowned and sat down carefully next to him, watching him for any signs of anger. From his mood in the morning she assumed he'd jump her as soon as they entered the door but something was going on in that pretty head of his, she just didn't know what.

"Ok something is wrong," Nate said after a few minutes turning the TV off. "Why did you get upset when we told you what we did to Dan's book?"

"What are you talking about Nate, I didn't say anything," Serena said shaking her head.

"But I saw your face S," Nate said touching her cheek. "I know you, if something is wrong, if you still have feelings for him …"

"No I don't," Serena said quickly, her eyes wide at the thought of him doubting her again. "I love you, only you."

Nate smiled at that and took her hands in his. "I want to be the person that you can come to with anything, I want to be the one you share the good and the bad with, I want to be the one to fix you, I don't want us to have any secrets."

"I want all those things as well," Serena said, tears welling in her eyes and she cringed at the lack of control she had over her emotions. "I was upset because you didn't tell me yesterday when I was upset over that blast."

"Do you remember what you were like after you showed me the blast?" Nate asked and Serena looked at him as if to ask what that had to do with anything. "You were so upset that I felt that if I told you about my and Chuck's 'mission' you'd get more upset."

"I'm sorry," Serena said and Nate immediately pulled her into his arms.

"You don't have to apologize," he said stroking her hair. "I just thought you were upset over Dan, not over something I hadn't told you."

"Listen to me, Dan means nothing to me anymore," Serena said moving so she could throw a leg over Nate's lap and straddle him, cupping his face in her hands. "I don't want you to ever doubt that ok?"

Nate nodded and she kissed him again and again until she was satisfied that he got her message. "Now do you think you can take me to my room and stay there until it's absolutely necessary to leave?"

"I can totally do that," Nate said grinning as he picked her up. It took them both a while and a lot of pain and heartbreak to get to where they were but Nate wouldn't change it for anything because he got his dream girl.

* * *

**A/N : Hey guys this is the end of Fix you, I hope you guys loved reading this as much as I did writing it, this has to be one of my favorite projects along with 'I'll never leave you alone', both being my longest stories hehe I hope I didnt make it tooo mushy, I knew I had to add Serena's emotions which have been out of whack from the begging of the story and obviously wont be fixed in one night even though Nate is that awesome. Blair and Chuck have major problems but they are going to work through it together, I think that was fitting.**

**Ok so the song for this final chapter is called 'Hello Beautiful' by the Jonas Brothers, it's such a pretty song, its sweet and innocent and I love this song lol so I thought it was perfect to end with. **

**Quick fact from the last chapter, the beggining with Erik and Serena on the phone was actually a conversation I had with my cousin lol I called him and just asked for what I wanted and he had to say hello and nice to hear your voice again and I just thought it would be really hillarious to put in here also I made a mistake regarding Nate;s phone but its nothign of huge importance so I'm just going to leave it.**

**I really hope you guys enjoyed this story, please please please review and let me know what you think!  
I will be writing again, after my test on Friday is over I think I'll have a little time before my end year exams begin so just look out for that and please please review and just let me know if you want anything specific written.**

**Nica, i think you said something about smut in the puppy love review, I'm really sorry but my writing is limited in that area, I cannot wrote smut without it sounding ridiculous so I just stick to reading it on occasion, the beggining was meant to be a sex scene but I had to change it before I embarressed myself lol**

**Please review and thank you to each and everyone of you who took the time to read, favorite, follow and review this story, you guys are amazing, you give me so much joy anyway Until next time(^^,) **


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